Late Again!!

Sorry, chaps - we got in a 3.30 am on New Year's Day, and I could not face writing after I got up. But it was a good party.

Back on the allotment the water is running off - it will not be fit for working for weeks. I did manage to rake up the old raspberry canes that I had left on the ground after cutting them down some weeks ago, when it first started raining. But there is no way that I can start planting the new fruit bushes, which will save some money but will have to be done some time.

Christmas was family time. To Derbyshire to No/. 1 son the week before, to Dulwich to No 2 son for Christmas day, and a couple of days later Derbyshire came to Bidborough and bed and breakfasted while they visited the in-laws, who live in Beckenham, and surrounding parts. Finished with taking all 14 out to lunch....

Been to 2 pantomimes. Eastbourne was better - a nice little theatre, with roomy seats and very well run. You get lots of plays there that end up in the West End, and the advantage is that you pay lower prices than the £80 or £90 that is demanded in London. Snow White was on at Tunbridge Wells. They had real dwarves on the stage, and very good they were too.

Rotary has been busy. We ran the Tonbridge Marathon and raised about £9000 for a mixture of local and international charities, and I had the dubious privilege of occupying a post that was entitled "Race Controller". Too many 'fat' jokes around to make it enjoyable. The organised the Rotary Christmas Party, with the Charter Lunch to follow in February. I must get out more.

 Bridge has also restarted.  I get my regular Monday Night handbagging for playing like a wally and not communicating with my partner, but it is all part of the fun.

No holidays fixed up - apart from a cruise on the Leeds and Liverpool Canal in June. More of that later.

Was put on to a good film clip by a friend in cayman. Go to

http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=32bUIa--6GM&feature=youtu.be

 and see the Ipad that I really wish I had been given for Christmas.

And finally:

Girl lies seriously injured following a road accident in Essex.

Paramedic approaches.

"Where are you bleeding from?"

"Romford."

And then there was the dyslexic Yorkshireman who couldn't understand why people looked at him curiously when he walked around with a catflap on his head.

Happy, Healthy and Prosperous New Year to you all.

The Goose is Getting Fat!

And not just the goose. Everything seems to be in equilibrium. Always a wrong thing to say. However the weather has been atrocious, and the allotment has suffered, although I have managed to take down the bean sticks and to burn the first of two lots of raspberry canes. But since the rain has stopped the frost has arrived. Off to Town today for an office reunion - friends from the old pre-Cayman days. None of us getting younger, but nice to to to London, and have a look round old haunts. Village panto tonight - not to be missed, much better value for money than the Assembly Halls one that is to come, with the grandchildren.

Found a decent second hand book shop in Tonbridge and managed to bey a Greek lexicon for a reasonable price. I have wanted one for years, but they seem like snow in summer - very rare and never still there when you think you have found one.

Not done a lot else - organised the Rotary Christmas party, but they are a funny lot - less than half the members came, although they have known about it for months. Some of them take a delight in wilfully not going to these things, and keeping it from the organiser until the last moment. However all those who went seemed to be satisfied customers. But I shall not be doing it again.

Now we are getting ready for Christmas. No. 1 son is coming down to stay with us after Christmas, but will probably be spending much of his visit with his in-laws, but we shall be seeing them before as we are going to Derbyshire very soon for a bit. Looking forward to that. And Christmas Day will be spent with No. 2 son in Dulwich - always a good time, and this is where the goose comes in as he has decided that he wants a goose and a joint of beef for Christmas lunch, rather than a turkey. And as he does the catering, that is what we shall have. The down side is that he does not like Christmas pudding.

Finally I had the following via e-mail, and I am grateful to the sender.

Have a good Christmas.

Clive & Sonia

The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner.
Talk about Dyson with death.
 
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.
When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time he wants.
 
My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £7.00!!!   Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
 
I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.
 
I start a new job in Seoul next week.

I thought it was a good Korea move.
 
I was driving this morning when I saw an AA van parked up.

The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable.

I thought to myself that guy's heading for a breakdown.
 
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy.
 
My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning: can you believe that?  At 2:30am!

Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
 
Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador.

”Don’t do it!" says Mick "Have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"
 
 
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!!

At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse.
 
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker.

Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
 
I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed.

At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified.

They've had to cancel the panto 'Jack & the Beanstalk' in Birmingham, Bristol, Oldham, Bradford, Burnley, Leicester, Luton and London :

Apparently the giant couldn't smell any Englishmen.
 
The wife was counting all the 1p's and 2p's out on the kitchen table when she suddenly got very angry and started shouting and crying for no reason.

I thought to myself, "She's going through the change."
 
Local Police, hunting the 'knitting needle nutter’ who has stabbed six people in the ass in the last 48 hours, believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern.
 
Bought some 'rocket salad' yesterday - but it went off before I could eat it!
 

Just got back from my mate's funeral.

He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball.
It was a lovely service.

19 Paddies go to the cinema , the ticket lady asks "Why so many of you?"
Mick replies , "The film said 18 or over."

 

Tada!!