Good Morning
There was a
wonderful report in yesterday’s papers about a new invention – robotic traffic
cones. There are alleged to be cones that position themselves. It conjures up a
wonderful picture of the M1 being populated by a species of son of R2D2 all
running around under their own steam and deciding among themselves which lane
of traffic to hold up now, or to direct into the nearest field. It would make a
great 3 minutes cartoon. Or even a Ceebeebies series of programmes.
June was, as
usual, a series of family birthdays. Just about 75% of my nearest and dearest
have all of a sudden become a year older. Some of us feel it, others do not
notice it, and one or two positively enjoy it. For myself, I have stopped
celebrating birthdays and now celebrate
anniversaries, which are achievements. Birthdays do not seem to be.
We have been
to Dorset a couple of times, and once to Radstock, which I had to look up. It’s
not a place that seems to be visited. But we stayed for a couple of days in a
splendid hotel, with a golf course that was a pleasure to look at. It had lots
of mature individual trees, all of which were in perfect shape and in a variety
of shades of green. In the hot weather it was perfect sitting with a good book
with that view and a pint or two of decent beer.
Do you
remember the Chalk Garden – it was hailed as a great classic play in the 1950s
and I think there was a school party to see it which I did not attend. However,
it is a bit like Hancock’s Half Hour and the \goon Show – it has not weathered
well and mow seems rather dated. We went to Chichester to see it, and always
enjoy the theatre there. It has a good restaurant and there is bags of room in
the seats, and is worth the drive to go there.
After a few
weeks without rain the lawn is now brown and does not need mowing, which is one
of \Sonia’s most hated chores. The next major occasion in the garden is the
clipping of 60 or so 12 foot high hedges, which has to be contracted out. Two
third of it are beech hedge and one-third is cupressus leylandii and they
ought to be clipped at different times of the year. We choose August as it is
midway between the two ideal clipping times, but it is pot luck whether the
winter comes with one or the other really needing a short back and sides. The
decisions you have to make as a property owner.
Just recently
there have been a number of really entertaining film clips going the rounds,
but I do not seem to be able to upload them to the blog website. Attempts to do
so have failed dismally, and they are not apparently available on YouTube.
The nursery
rhymes in updated form have come around again. Three of the best are:
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.
Georgie Porgie pudding and pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cos he was gay.
There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead..
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad . . ...
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.
Wordsmiths
like these, but I suspect that they are not everyone’s favourites -
I tried to catch some Fog. I mist.
When chemists die, they barium.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop
any time.
How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
And finally…
It's
quite easy to often forget how great this place is. If you're not from Britain,
however, we probably seem like quite an odd bunch at times. The following
Facebook post, written by 66-year-old American Scott Waters, pretty much fits
both of the above. Penned following a visit to the UK this summer (most of
which appears to have been in Cornwall, Waters wrote up the various cultural
differences and posted them to the world of social media.
Here's
what he had to say about us:
I was in England again a few weeks ago,
mostly in small towns, but here's some of what I learned:
* Almost everyone is very polite.
* There are no guns.
* There are too many narrow stairs.
* The pubs close too early.
* The reason they drive on the left is
because all their cars are built backwards.
* The Pubs are not bars, they are community
living rooms.
* You'd better like peas, potatoes and
sausage.
* Refrigerators and washing machines are very
small.
* Everything is generally older, smaller and
shorter.
* People don't seem to be afraid of their neighbours
or the government.
* Their paper money makes sense, the coins
don't.
* Everyone has a washing machine but driers
are rare.
* Hot and cold water faucets. Remember them?
* Pants are called "trousers",
underwear are "pants" and sweaters are "jumpers".
* The bathroom light is a string hanging from
the ceiling.
* "Fanny" is a naughty word, as is
"shag".
* All the signs are well designed with
beautiful typography and written in full sentences with proper grammar.
* There's no dress code.
* Doors close by themselves, but they don't
always open.
* They eat with their forks upside down.
* The English are as crazy about their
gardens as Americans are about cars.
* They don't seem to use facecloths or
napkins or maybe they’re just neater than we are.
* The wall outlets all have switches, some
don't do anything.
* There are hardly any cops or police cars.
* 5,000 year ago, someone arranged a lot of
rocks all over, but no one is sure why.
* When you do see police they seem to be in
male & female pairs and often smiling.
* Everything comes with chips, which are
French fries. You put vinegar on them.
* Cookies are "biscuits" and potato
chips are "crisps".
* HP sauce is better than catsup.
* After fish and chips, curry is the most
popular food.
* The water controls in showers need detailed
instructions.
* They can boil anything.
* Folks don't always lock their bikes.
* It's not unusual to see people dressed
differently and speaking different languages.
* Your electronic devices will work fine with
just a plug adapter.
* Nearly everyone is better educated than we
are.
* If someone buys you a drink you must do the
same.
* Look right, walk left. Again; look right,
walk left. You're welcome.
* Avoid British wine and French beer.
* It's not that hard to eat with the fork in
your left hand with a little practice. If you don't, everyone knows you're an
American.
* Many of the roads are the size of our
sidewalks.
* There's no AC.
* Instead of turning the heat up, you put on
a jumper.
* Gas is "petrol", it costs about
$6 a gallon and is sold by the litre.
* If you speed on a motorway, you get a
ticket. Period. Always.
* You don't have to tip, really!
* There are no guns. Scotland, Wales,
Ireland and Cornwall really are
* Only 14% of Americans have a passport,
everyone in the UK does.
* You pay the price marked on products
because the taxes (VAT) are built in.
* Walking is the national pastime.
*Their TV looks and sounds much better than
ours.
* They took the street signs down during
WWII, but haven't put them all back up yet.
* Everyone enjoys a good joke.
* Dogs are very well behaved and welcome
everywhere.
* There are no window screens.
* You can get on a bus and end up in Paris.
* Everyone knows more about our history than
we do.
* Radio is still a big deal. The BBC is quite
good.
* The newspapers can be awful.
* Everything costs the same but our money is
worth less so you have to add 50% to the price to figure what you're paying.
* Beer comes in large, completely filled,
actual pint glasses and the closer the brewery the better the beer.
* Butter and eggs aren't refrigerated.
* The beer isn't warm, each style is served
at the proper temperature.
* Cider (alcoholic) is quite good.
* Excess cider consumption can be very
painful.
* The universal greeting is
"Cheers" (pronounced "cheeahz" unless you are from
Cornwall, then it's "chairz")
* The money is easy to understand:
1-2-5-10-20-50 pence, then-£1-£2-£5-£10, etc bills. There are no quarters.
* Their cash makes ours look like Monopoly
money.
* Cars don't have bumper stickers.
* Many doorknobs, buildings and tools are
older than America.
* By law, there are no crappy, old cars.
* When the sign says something was built in
456, they didn't lose the "1".
* Cake is pudding, ice cream is pudding,
anything served for dessert is pudding, even pudding.
* Everything closes by 1800 (6pm)
* Very few people smoke, those who do often
roll their own.
* You're defined by your accent.
* No one in Cornwall knows what the hell a
Cornish Game Hen is.
* Soccer is a religion, religion is a sport.
* Europeans dress better than the British, we
dress worse.
* The trains work: a three minute delay is
regrettable.
* Drinks don't come with ice.
* There are far fewer fat English people.
* There are a lot of healthy old folks around
participating in life instead of hiding at home watching TV.
* If you're over 60, you get free TV and bus
and rail passes.
* They don't use Bose anything anywhere
* Displaying your political or religious
affiliation is considered very bad taste
* Every pub has a pet drunk
* Their healthcare works, but they still
bitch about it
* Cake is one of the major food groups
* Their coffee is mediocre but their tea is
wonderful
* There are still no guns
* Cheers!!!
Makes you
feel quite cheerful. Enjoy the rest of the summer, although readers south of
the equator may finds that contrary.
Cheerio
