So I am informed by the OE Etymological Dictionary. My latest book acquisition. I believe it was named when the year began in March. More about that in our next.
Summer has been, and is waning fast, if a season can be
said to wane. August has been great for weather, and all the grandchildren will
be going back to school and comparing tans. The humid spells have not been good
for the garden and fungal diseases have been hitting the roses and hollyhocks.
The best spray, if you are into chemical control, and there is no natural
solution so far as I am aware, is made by Bayer. 1 litre in a squeezy spray
bottle costs about a fiver, but a bottle of concentrate costs just over six
quid, and makes five or more litres of spray. Makes it a no-brainer.
Went to Chichester to see Fiddler on the Roof. I remember
seeing it with Topol in the leading part at Her mjesty’s in the Haymarket, I
think, Many many years ago. The new presentation was really good and if it
comes on in London, I guarantee it is well worth seeing. Chichester is a great
place too. We usually get up really early when we go there, and have breakfast
in the Cathedral café, which is really good value for money. Getting there
early means that you get a good space in the car park near the theatre. If you are not there early, it’s difficult to
find a parking space at all! The profits go to maintain the cathedral, too.
Then a quick tour round the centre, and off to lunch at the Theatre restaurant,
which is not cheap, but still is well worth the cost. Straight over the drive
to the theatre, and afterwards a few steps to the car park and home.
We wrre invited to a “VIP” do at the local VW dealers, as
we go there to get the car serviced. Complete waste of space. All the expected
sales pitch, but the VIP bit was not there. Serve yourself coffee from a
machine in a paper cup, no real presentation of the electric and hybrid cars
that we knew were to be announced that week, and pressure to buy a model that
will change over shortly, just before the 1 September, when the new
registration numbers come out, and to use their expensive leasing arrangements
to do so. They didn’t like what I had to say before we swept out!
Went to a lecture by Paul Atterbury on antiques. He
really is a good speaker, and talks for 45 minutes with illustrations and quite
without notes. Very impressive.
Two grand-daughters aged 13 and 14 going on 23 and 24, came
to stay for a weekend. Helps the long hols to pass. Frightening how quickly
they grow up. These two go to JAGS and are quite the young ladies, and I think
when they are together they would frighten off most of the boys their age. But
I suppose that is how it is intended to be. Not easy to find things to
entertain them, though, but a visit to Margate,
and to a theatre to a musical helped to solve that problem.
Finally, did something I have not really done before – we
went to the races. At Lingfield. And in a hospitality suite. Had a wonderful
day, and came away 20% up. Beginner’s luck! All that was down to Brian and
Valerie – it was her 70th birthday bash, and a really good way of
celebrating it, too! Highly recommended.
Now…
One from David:
During a lull
between the speeches at the recent presidential swearing-in ceremony, Melania
Trump leaned over to chat with the Secretary of State, Rex Tillerson.
"You know, I bought Donald a parrot for Christmas. That bird is so smart,
Donald has already taught him to pronounce over two hundred words!"
"Wow, that's pretty impressive," said Tillerson, "but, you do
realize that he just speaks the words, ...he doesn't really understand what
they mean." "Oh, I know," replied Melania, .........."
neither does the parrot."
+++
A lawyer, who had a wife and 12 children, had
to move because his rental agreement was terminated by the owner who wanted to
reoccupy the home, but he was having a lot of difficulty finding a new house.
When he said he had 12 children no one would rent a home to him because it was
felt that the children would destroy the place.
He couldn't say he had no children because he
couldn't lie. We all know lawyers cannot and do not lie, so he sent his
wife for a walk to the cemetery with 11 of their kids. He took the remaining
one with him to see the real estate agent. He loved one of the homes and the
price was right. The agent asked:"How many children do you have?
He answered, "Twelve."
The agent asked, "Where are the
others?"
The lawyer, with his best courtroom sad look,
answered, “They're in the cemetery with their mother.”
MORAL: It's
not necessary to lie; one only has to choose the right words…and don't forget,
most politicians are, unfortunately, lawyers.
+++
Yesterday my daughter
e-mailed me again, asking why I didn't do something useful with my time.
“Like, me sitting around the
pool and drinking wine is not a good thing?” I asked.
My "doing-something-useful"
seems to be her favourite topic of conversation.
She was "only thinking
of me" she said and suggested that I go down to the Senior Center and join
something.
I did this and when I got
home last night, I decided to play a prank on her.
I e-mailed her and told her
that I had joined a Parachute Club.
She replied, "Mother,
are you nuts? You are 78 years old and now you're going to start jumping out of
airplanes?”
I told her that I even got a
Membership Card and e-mailed a copy to her.
She immediately telephoned
me and yelled, "Good grief, Mom, where are your glasses?! This is a
Membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club.”
I calmly replied, "Oh
my, I think I'm in real trouble then, because I signed up for five jumps a
week!!”
The line went quiet and her
friend picked up the phone and said that my daughter had fainted.
Life as a Senior Citizen is
not getting any easier, but sometimes it can be a lot of fun.
Just because you're
"Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an "old Geezer"
Remember: Don't make old people mad......
***
I have been reading a book on the history pf skiffle by
Billy Bragg – eminently readable, and full of things I didn’t know about the
music we were listening to when I was in the 4th 5th and
6th forms at school. The book is called Roots, Radicals and Rockers and well worth getting. In it there was a reference to a Peter Sellers take-off, which is
brilliant. Go to https://uk.video.search.yahoo.com/search/video;_ylt=A2KLqIpP_J5ZNlIAX2V2BQx.;_ylu=X3oDMTBncGdyMzQ0BHNlYwNzZWFyY2gEdnRpZAM-;_ylc=X1MDMjExNDcxNzA0NgRfcgMyBGFjdG4DY2xrBGJjawMyY2JhN3FkYjU1b2dnJTI2YiUzRDMlMjZzJTNENzAEY3NyY3B2aWQDVHpCb1FUazRMakVtTFVmVFZsTGlFQVdZTW1Fd01BQUFBQUF0ZEZhQgRmcgNzZnAEZnIyA3NhLWdwBGdwcmlkAzMxMkJ3VTVvVDh1amlyekZqcl9sTEEEbXRlc3RpZANudWxsBG5fcnNsdAM2MARuX3N1Z2cDMARvcmlnaW4DdWsudmlkZW8uc2VhcmNoLnlhaG9vLmNvbQRwb3MDMARwcXN0cgMEcHFzdHJsAwRxc3RybAMyOARxdWVyeQNQdXR0aW5nIG9uIHRoZSBzbWlsZSBzZWxsZXJzBHRfc3RtcAMxNTAzNTkxNTIzBHZ0ZXN0aWQDbnVsbA--?gprid=312BwU5oT8ujirzFjr_lLA&pvid=TzBoQTk4LjEmLUfTVlLiEAWYMmEwMAAAAAAtdFaB&p=Putting+on+the+smile+sellers&ei=UTF-8&fr2=p%3As%2Cv%3Av%2Cm%3Asa&fr=sfp#id=1&vid=97a56dcacec8fc6c094cedcd6983b04b&action=view
Sorry
it is such a long internet reference but just click on it – or Control = click
and it should connect. Otherwise search for ‘Putting on the Smile’ by Peter
Sellers
+++
This is one of the better take-offs on
the orange monster around. Hope you like
it.
+++
NON-POLITICAL BIBLE STORIES...
God went to the Arabs and said,
'I have Commandments for you that will make
your lives better.'
The Arabs asked, 'What are Commandments?'
And the Lord said, 'They are rules for
living.'
'Can you give us an example?'
'Thou shall not kill.'
'Not kill? We're not interested..'
So He went to the Blacks and said, 'I have
Commandments.'
The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord
said,
'Honor thy Father and Mother.'
'Father? We don't know who our fathers are!
We're not interested.'
Then He went to the Mexicans and said, 'I
have Commandments.'
The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the
Lord said
'Thou shall not steal.'
'Not steal? We're not interested.'
Then He went to the French and said, 'I have
Commandments.'
The French too wanted an example and the Lord
said,
'Thou shall not commit adultery.'
'Sacre bleu!!! Not commit adultery? We're not
interested.'
Finally, He went to the Jews and said, 'I
have Commandments..
'Commandments?' They said, 'How much
are they?'
'They're free.'
'We'll take 10.'
(There! That should upset just about
everybody!!....)
+++
A New York attorney representing a wealthy art
collector called his client.
"Saul, I have some good news, and I have
some bad news."
The art collector replied, "I've had an
awful day. Give me the good news first."
The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your
wife today, and she informed me that she just invested $5,000 in two pictures
that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15 million to $20 million, and I think
she could be right."
Saul replied enthusiastically, "Well done!
My wife is a brilliant businesswoman! You've just made my day. Now I know I can
handle the bad news. What is it?"
The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of
you and your secretary."
+++
The Mexican
maid asked for a pay increase.
The
wife was very upset about this, and decided to talk to her about the raise.
She asked: "Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?"
Maria: "Well, Señora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increase."
"The first is that I iron better than you."
Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?"
Maria: "Jor huzban he say so."
Wife: "Oh yeah?"
Maria: "The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you."
Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?"
Maria: "Jor hozban did."
Wife, increasingly agitated: "Oh he did, did he?"
Maria: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in the bed."
Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth.
Wife: "And did my husband say that as well?"
Maria: "No Señora....the gardener did."
Wife: "So - how much did you want?"
She asked: "Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?"
Maria: "Well, Señora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increase."
"The first is that I iron better than you."
Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?"
Maria: "Jor huzban he say so."
Wife: "Oh yeah?"
Maria: "The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you."
Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?"
Maria: "Jor hozban did."
Wife, increasingly agitated: "Oh he did, did he?"
Maria: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in the bed."
Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth.
Wife: "And did my husband say that as well?"
Maria: "No Señora....the gardener did."
Wife: "So - how much did you want?"
NB:During ANY type of pay dispute you must consider
all of the facts...
+++
LEROY'S
LAST SUPPORT PAYMENT
Today is my baby girl's 18th birthday. I be so glad that this be my last child support payment! Month after month, year after year, all those payments!
So I call my baby girl, LaKeesha, to come to my house, and when she get there, I say: "Baby girl, I want you to take this check over to yo momma house and tell her this be the last check she ever be gettin' from me,
and I want you to come back and tell me the 'spression on yo mama's face."
So, my baby girl take the check over to her momma.
I be anxious to hear what she say, and bout the 'spression on her face.
Baby girl came back and walk through the door, I say, "Now what yo momma say 'bout that?"
She say to tell you that "you ain't my daddy" ...and watch the 'spression on yo face’.
Today is my baby girl's 18th birthday. I be so glad that this be my last child support payment! Month after month, year after year, all those payments!
So I call my baby girl, LaKeesha, to come to my house, and when she get there, I say: "Baby girl, I want you to take this check over to yo momma house and tell her this be the last check she ever be gettin' from me,
and I want you to come back and tell me the 'spression on yo mama's face."
So, my baby girl take the check over to her momma.
I be anxious to hear what she say, and bout the 'spression on her face.
Baby girl came back and walk through the door, I say, "Now what yo momma say 'bout that?"
She say to tell you that "you ain't my daddy" ...and watch the 'spression on yo face’.
+++
That’s enough for August. Now beginning to work on
September. Keep smiling!
