April was a
very quiet month. This was partly due to two weekends being taken up with
visits from the Dulwich contingent, who, having bought a new house, now have
the roof off. The idea was to check the integrity of the tiles and rafters, but
they have ended up having steel reinforcements to support the walls. The place
is shrouded in scaffolding and with no roof, it is not the most comfortable
place to sleep, so they have been visiting.
Last weekend,
needing to entertain the little darlings, I was persuaded to take them to
Eastbourne for visit to the pier, and
then on to Beachy Head. But it was Bank Holiday weekend, and the sun was
shining with all its might, as Lewis Carroll had it. Eastbourne had no parking
at all – the cars were parked solid three roads in from the coast, and half way
up the Beachy Head Road. I have never seen so many on Beachy Head either, and
there were even more at Birling Gap, looking at the cottages that are about to
fall into the sea. So on to Brighton, where, strangely there were not so many
and we parked within walking distance of the pier, and I funded a visit to the
Penny Arcade. All great fun, and we managed to bring two happy girls home.
Also managed
lots of swimming last month – I do not feel much better for it, but it is a
very pleasant way to pass an hour or so. But my cossie is getting tight again,
and I must revert to a period of austerity in May. I don’t expect that I shall feel
much better for that, either, but it is a salve to my conscience. A bit
annoying, though as I am due to go on several jollies in May.
Not a very
newsworthy blog. Here are one or two of the offerings that have come my way
this month – some old, some new, some borrowed, but nothing blue. On this
occasion.
GREAT TRUTHS
1. In my many years I have come to a
conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more
is a congress.
-- John Adams
2. If you don't read the newspaper you
are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed.
-- Mark Twain
3. Suppose you were an idiot. And
suppose you were a member of Congress. But then I repeat myself.
-- Mark Twain
4. I contend that for a nation to try
to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to
lift himself up by the handle.
--Winston Churchill
5. A government which robs Peter to
pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
-- George Bernard Shaw
6. A liberal is someone who feels a
great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your
money.
-- G. Gordon Liddy
7. Democracy must be something more
than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.
--James Bovard, Civil Libertarian
(1994)
8. Foreign aid might be defined as a
transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor
countries.
-- Douglas Case, Classmate of Bill
Clinton at Georgetown University .
9. Giving money and power to
government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
-- P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian
10. Government is the great fiction,
through which everybody endeavours to live at the expense of everybody else.
-- Frederic Bastiat ,
French economist(1801-1850)
11. Government's view of the economy
could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps
moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.
--Ronald Reagan (1986)
12. I don't make jokes. I just watch
the government and report the facts.
-- Will Rogers
13. If you think health care is
expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free!
-- P. J. O'Rourke
14. In general, the art of government
consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to
give to the other.
--Voltaire (1764)
15. Just because you do not take an
interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you!
-- Pericles (430 B.C.)
16. No man's life, liberty, or
property is safe while the legislature is in session.
-- Mark Twain (1866)
17. Talk is cheap, except when
Congress does it.
-- Anonymous
18. The government is like a baby's
alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the
other.
-- Ronald Reagan
19. The inherent vice of capitalism is
the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the
equal sharing of misery.
-- Winston Churchill
20. The only difference between
a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.
-- Mark Twain
21. The ultimate result of shielding
men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools.
-- Herbert Spencer,
English Philosopher (1820-1903)
22. There is no distinctly Native
American criminal class, save Congress.
-- Mark Twain
23. What this country needs are more
unemployed politicians
--Edward Langley,
Artist (1928-1995)
24. A government big enough to give
you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.
-- Thomas Jefferson
25. We hang the petty thieves and
appoint the great ones to public office.
-- Aesop
+++
Tim and Janice met on a
singles cruise and Tim fell head over heels for her.
When they discovered they lived in
neighbouring cities only a few miles apart Tim was ecstatic. He immediately
started asking her out when they got home.
Within a couple of weeks, Tim had taken
Janice to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies and museums. Tim became
convinced that Janice was indeed his soul mate and true love. Every date seemed
better than the last.
On the one-month anniversary of their first
dinner on the cruise ship, Tim took Janice to a fine restaurant. While having
cocktails and waiting for their salad, Tim said, "I guess you can tell I'm
very much in love with you. I'd like a little serious talk before our
relationship continues to the next stage."
"So, before I get a box out of my jacket
and ask you a life-changing question, it's only fair to warn you, I'm a total
golf nut. I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat,
sleep, and breathe golf. If that's going to be a problem for us, you'd better
say so now!"
Janice took a deep breath and responded,
"Tim, that certainly won't be a problem. I love you as you are and I love
golf too; but, since we're being totally honest with each other, you need to
know that for the last five years I've been a hooker."
"Oh wow! I see," Tim replied. He
looked down at the table, was quiet for a moment. Deep in serious thought he
added, "You know, it's probably because you're not keeping your wrists
straight when you hit the ball."
+++
A couple who work at the circus
go to an adoption agency, but social workers there raise doubts about their
suitability.
The couple produces photos of
their 50 foot motor home, which is equipped with a beautiful nursery, but the
social workers then are doubtful about the education that the child would get.
"We've arranged for a
full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with
French, Mandarin and computer skills."
Then there are doubts about
raising a child in a circus environment.
"Our nanny is an expert in
paediatric welfare and diet."
The social workers are finally
satisfied. They ask, "What age child are you hoping to adopt?"
"It doesn't really matter,
as long as he fits in the cannon."
+++
LEXOPHILIA - WHO ON EARTH DREAMS THESE UP?
A lexophile
of course! - Strangely, my grandchildren had seen 90% of them!
• How does
Moses make tea? Hebrews it.
• Venison for
dinner again? Oh deer!
• A cartoonist
was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
• I used to be
a banker, but then I lost interest.
• Haunted
French pancakes give me the crêpes.
• England has
no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
• I tried to
catch some fog, but I mist.
• They told me
I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo.
• I changed my
iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
• Jokes about
German sausage are the wurst.
• I know a guy
who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
• I stayed up
all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
• This girl
said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
• When chemists
die, they barium.
• I'm reading a
book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
• I did a
theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
• Why were the
Indians here first? They had reservations.
• I didn't like
my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
• Did you hear
about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her
pupils?
• When you get
a bladder infection, urine trouble.
• Broken
pencils are pointless.
• What do you
call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
• I dropped out of
communism class because of lousy Marx.
• All the toilets in
New York's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to
go on.
• I got a job at a
bakery because I kneaded dough.
• Velcro - what
a rip off!
• Don’t
worry about old age; it doesn’t last.
+++
Only a few
links this month. Copy them into the browser address line. I cannot get the blog to accept them in active form!
GENIUS! - Tour of The One World
Observatory
One of the best modern views of Manhattan that I think you can get.
However, this is one of the best views
of London compared with what it was. They were taken from a hot air balloon and
have recently been auctioned after being found, as the original glass slides, in a box in a garage.
