At least it is for some of you!!
Well, it has been a busy month, and I am late again as a
result. Both of my sons have had their birthdays, and the figures are
frightening. Neil is now 47 and Leon is 44. When I remember what I was doing at
their age, and where I was in my career, I realise just how far they have got.
Makes one feel older than I did five minutes ago.
Earlier I met a few chaps I was at school with in a pub
round the back of Camden Town Hall, just off the Euston Road. We do it once or
twice a year, and it’s always a good day out. All in all I am in touch with 32
of them, some in quite far-flung places.
The good news is that I am now no longer expecting to
have my new hip replaced. It seems to be looking after itself, although I now
have one leg half an inch shorter that the other. I really did not fancy the
operation for a number of different reasons. However I am still using two
sticks, and am in the hands of a physio who has to make the best of me. More
exercises, but that is OK by me! I now have to try and get back into the
swimming pool.
We spent a good week in Dorset, staying in a barn
conversion on a farm which has a herd of Charolaise cattle. They have a small
complex of holiday cottages and there goes with it an indoor heated swimming
pool about 10 metres long. I was doing 750 metres a day, and my turns are now
much better!
It has been a couple of interesting weeks watching the
political parties making fools of themselves – and us – at their
conferences.st. Jeremy Corbyn is clearly thought by his adoring followers to be
able to walk on water and perform miracles curing the ills of the world,
whereas the PM should understand that no speech is better than a bad speech if
you have the sort of cold and cough that she clearly had. We now look forward
to listening to the uncrowned Queen of Scotland trying to patch up the failings
in North Britain. I think people have forgotten that James VI of Scotland
offered himself as the King of England because of difficulties in the
succession in England. Some of Scotland now seems to be wanting to change its
mind.
Enough of current affairs for the time being. Here are
some of this month’s offerings:
There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who
insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. I
know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled
it.
An 86 year old man
walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk .
The Receptionist
said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?"
"There's
something wrong with my dick", he replied.
The Receptionist
became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room
and say things like that."
"Why not? You
asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.
The Receptionist
replied; "Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room
full of people.
You should have said there is something wrong with your ear
or something, and
discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private."
The man replied,
"You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full of strangers, if the
answer could embarrass anyone.
The man walked
out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.
The Receptionist
smiled smugly and asked, "Yes??"
"There's
something wrong with my ear", he stated.
The Receptionist
nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what
is wrong with your ear, Sir??"
"I can't piss
out of it," he replied. The waiting room erupted in laughter
++
MORE
RANDOM THOUGHTS...
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural
stupidity.
I'm great at multi-tasking--I can waste time, be
unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have
someone in mind to blame.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years: then
we met.
Hospitality is the art of making guests feel
like they're at home when you wish they were.
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her
eyes.
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
Women spend more time wondering what men are
thinking than men spend thinking.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Is it wrong that only one company makes the game
Monopoly?
I was going to give him a nasty look -but he
already had one.
Change is inevitable - except from a vending
machine.
I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today,
but I couldn't find it.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not
for you.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let
her sleep
If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup
a smoothie?
+++
THE
ANNUAL OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY
Bill
woke up after the annual office Christmas Party.
He had a pounding headache, was cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to
recall the events of the preceding evening.
After
a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some
coffee in front of him.
“Samantha"
he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I
think?"
"Even
worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn. "You made a
complete arse of yourself. You succeeded in antagonising the entire
board of directors and you insulted the Chairman of the company, right to his
face."
"He's
an arsehole," Bill said, "I could piss on him."
"You
did," came the reply, “And he fired you."
"Well,
f*** him then!" said Bill.
"I
did" said Samantha, "You're back at work on Monday.
I'm
not having you hanging around the house all day.”
+++
Now
here is something different!
+++
And something to make you think – a hangover from recent
events
+++And
can you remember doing this??
+++
Or
you may remember this!
That
should be enough for now.
Happy
landings
