Not been away much - apart from a trip to a family funeral at Bromsgrove. The last of the previous generation. It means that I am the patriarch, or grey-back, or whatever. A sobering thought. Managed to pick up a puncture in the pouring rain on a dead straight dual carriageway without a hard shoulder on the way back from Bromsgrove at about 6.30 p.m. All traffic in both lanes was travelling at over 70 mph, and there was no way that I was going to change an off-side front wheel in those conditions, so we pressed on for a couple of miles with a flat tyre on an aluminium wheel until I could get the car off the road. Even then the off-side wheels were still on the carriageway, and for the first time I called out the RAC to change a wheel. When he arrived he turned on all the lights and signs to warn the traffic and parked his van half-way across the road behind us to protect himself. Very hairy!
Highlight of the month was at the Gielgud Theatre when we went to see 'The Audience' - a very funny play consisting of a series of scenes in Buckingham Palace when the Queen has audiences with all 12 of her Prime Ministers. They did not show Tony Blair, though, but just referred to him in some devastating asides. Helen Mirren is the Queen, and the Prime Ministers are a series of top actors giving bijou performances. Really as good as Private Eye, and out of the same box. Not to be missed.
Pity about Kenny Ball, although I suppose it comes to all of us. I should think Acker Bilk will be next - when we saw him last year it was pitiful - he was wheeled on to the stage in a wheel chair, he could not remember his lines, and the music was purely mechanical. Chris Barber still has all his gifts and marbles, though.
Discovered the Huffington Post. Go to http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/ - it is an on-line newspaper, but has a lot of entertaining stuff on it. UK news only, more or less, but a great time-waster. Plenty of quirky bits as well as hard news for young people.
About all for now - as the days lengthen and it gets warmer we shall do more, and have more to say.
Finally....
Firstly an extract from a blog kept by a techie (or so it would appear:
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded
from Boyfriend to Husband and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system
performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which
operated flawlessly under Boyfriend.
In addition, Husband
uninstalled many other valuable programmes, such as Romance and Personal Attention
and then installed undesirable programs such as Cricket, Football, Golfing and
Continuous TV.
Conversation no
longer runs, and Housecleaning simply crashes the system.
I've tried running
Nagging to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed, Desperate
......................................................................................................
Dear Desperate,
First keep in mind,
Boyfriend is an Entertainment Package, while Husband is an Operating System.
Please enter the command: 'http: I Thought You Loved Me.html' and try to
download Tears.
Don't forget to
install the Guilt update. If that application works as designed, Husband should
then automatically run the applications Jewellery and Flowers, but remember.
over-use of the above application can cause Husband to default to Grumpy
Silence, Garden Shed or Beer. Beer is a very bad program that will download the
Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO
NOT install Mother-in-law (it runs a virus in the background that will
eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to
reinstall the Boyfriend program. These are unsupported applications and will
crash Husband.
In summary, Husband
is a great system, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new
applications quickly. It also tends to work better running one task at a time.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend Food and Hot Lingerie.
Good Luck,
Tech Support
and just arrived, but seen before:
A nurse was on duty in the A&E when a young woman with purple hair
styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and
wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the
patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for an immediate
operation. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the
staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it
there was a tattoo that read .. . ...'Keep off the grass'
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which read 'Sorry . .. . Had to mow the lawn.'
Submitted by Staff Nurse RN Elaine Fogerty, KGH London
Dr. Wouldn't submit his name
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which read 'Sorry . .. . Had to mow the lawn.'
Submitted by Staff Nurse RN Elaine Fogerty, KGH London
Dr. Wouldn't submit his name
