People who аrе born in
thе month of Aрrіl wіll саrrу the character оf innocence. It іѕ bесаuѕе
thе bіrthѕtоnе dіаmоnd ѕуmbоlіzеѕ this сhаrасtеrіѕtіс. I just thought you might want to know that.............
Well,
another month has passed without undue disaster, despite some atrocious weather,
which I partially covered in last month’s news. I think I got to the stage when
we managed to get home from Dorset before the snow really set in. Well,
Tonbridge got away with it very lightly. Less snow than Bromley, and a lot less
than other parts of UK. I opted out of going to the quiz that I mentioned was
due on the 3 March, but just over 100 hardy souls from Bidborough braved the
elements, and we managed to raise about £700 for charity, which can’t be a bad
thing.
The
house was then wreathed in scaffolding so that we could have the ridge tiles repaired
and re-set. They are apparently the parts of the roof that suffer most from the
actions of the weather.It took a week or so before the roofer managed to get the
weather he needed to do the work, which upset our next door neighbours. I didn’t know that scaffolding upsets all the surrounding satellite dishes, and one of
our poles was about 6 feet from next door‘s dish, so he could not watch the
sport on Sky.
A
couple of days later I had to go to a couple of meetings where the seating was
of a height that was fit only for kindergarten use, and that managed to upset
my hip to no small extent. Back on the Tramadol, but then the following week I
had an appointment with the hip surgeon where I had thought that I would be
told that I only needed to wait a little longer and it would all be better. Not
so. Effectively I was told that I really did need to have the prosthesis
replaced, and I go again later this month so he can make arrangements to get it
done. Fortunately he thinks that it can be replaced with just the one
operation, which I am very relieved about. A 2-stage op means spending several
weeks – actually up to 6 months – without a hip joint while I am pumped up with
antibiotics to get rid of whatever infection there may be, but this is
apparently not now thought to be necessary.
The
rest of the month was spent in dining out, most notable with the grandchildren
in Dulwich. The older one has just returned from an educational visit to Russia.
Not an ideal time to go, given that we seem to be in free fall into another
Cold War, but it all seemed to go off without incident. The least impressive
part was apparently the Russian food, but you would expect that from children
who opt for fillet steak, when they cannot get steak tartare, for their dinner!
The
Government here is demonstrating its uselessness at international relations
with this nonsense about Russian spies getting themselves poisoned. I am afraid
I cannot get excited about traitors getting it in the neck, but the lovely
Theresa is determined to make an issue of it. Not helped by Boris making a fool
of himself my failing to master his brief, and the media selectively quoting
from statements published by all parties.
Mind
you, ours is not the only country lumbered by inexperienced and entertaining leaders.
Master Trump is having the time of his life tweeting all the time instead of
maintaining a masterly reticence. Not his style, though. All the rest of us can
do is to hope that he does not get tires of finding things to say that are
bound to offend more people than are pleased. I had hope that Boris and Trump
between them would provide the internet with lots of decent jokes but we do
seem to be losing our sense of humour. I am sure that it is because there are
fewer troops because of advances in warfare and government austerity. I have
this theory that the best jokes come from soldiers, sailors and airmen.
Taking
of jokes, I read in the papers recently, just after the bad weather that Brexit
is like snow. When it arrived it was all white, clean and cheerful, but it all
too soon turned brown and slushy.
Thanks, Chris for
this:
A small boy has a school homework question to
answer, so he asks his father "Dad, what's the difference between
'theoretically' and realistically'?"
His dad thinks and then says "Right-o son, go
and ask your Mother if she'd sleep with David Beckham for a million quid."
The boy runs off and comes back saying "Dad,
dad, she said she would! She would sleep with David Beckham for a million
pounds."
"OK son," says his dad. "Now go and
ask your sister the same question."
The boy runs off, and comes back saying "Dad,
dad, she said she would too!"
So then his dad says "Right, son, now go and
ask your brother if he'd sleep with David Beckham for a million pounds."
The son comes back excitedly saying "Dad! Dad!
He said he would too!"
"Well there you have it, son," said his
dad.
"Theoretically we could be sitting on three
million quid.
Realistically we're living with two tarts and a
poof."
Having
been for most of my working life in the business to interpreting words or,
latterly, writing them, I thought this was a brilliant piece:
An amazing 2 letter English word.
A reminder that one word in the English language that can be a noun,
verb, adjective, adverb and preposition.
UP
This two-letter word in English
has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is 'UP.'
It is listed in the dictionary as an [adv.], [prep.], [adj.],
[n] or [v].
It's easy to understand UP,
meaning toward the sky or at the top of
the list, but when we awaken in the
morning, why do we wake UP?
At a meeting, why does a topic
come UP? Why do we speak UP, and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends, brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and fix UP the old car.
At other times, this little word
has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.
To be dressed is one thing but to
be dressed UP is special.
And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is
stopped UP.
We open UP a store in the morning but we
close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!
To be knowledgeable about the
proper uses of UP, look UP the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4 of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.
If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you
don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.
When it threatens to rain, we say
it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out, we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, the earth soaks it UP. When it does not rain for awhile, things dry UP. One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now .
. . my time is UP!
Oh . . . one more thing: What is the first thing you do in the morning and the last thing you do at night?
U
P!
Did that one crack you UP?
Don't screw UP. Send this on to everyone you look UP in your address book . . . or not
. . . it's UP to you.
Now time to shut UP!
