I missed
November – there was so much going on, and I needed to get some work done as on
the 5 December I am due in for the replacement o my artificial hip, and I shall
not be back at home until December 20 at the earliest.
Much has been
going on. No 1 granddaughter is in the process of applying for the sixth form
at Eltham College – the third generation of Grenyers to go there if she is
successful.
I managed to
pick up a couple of nice commemorative mugs at auctions in the last few weeks.
I am trying to build up the collection that was decimated when we lived at
Orpington and were burgled three times, mainly when I was working in Cayman,
but once when we were at home. It didn’t worry us too much as we were well
over-insured, until after I had sold the house I got a phone call from the
purchaser, asking “What is with the gun that we found in the pond in the back
Garden.” I replied that it was probably an old cap pistol that belonged to the
boys, but he replied that that was not the case. It was a sawn-of version of
the real McCoy! Now I know that we disturbed them when we came in one time, but
that was interesting…
Last month
was also taken up with preparing and printing the questions and stationery for
the annual Bidborough bowls club quiz, which I needed to have ready for the New
year – hence the busyness . After the event I will try and upload the questions
on to the blog site. So, just as an experiment, I will try and upload a quick
film clip, and if you can’t find it I shall know that it does not work. Update - it failed!!
Today we
picked up the Christmas tree from the farm at Bidborough that we always use. A
first class 7-footer for less than 35 quid – can’t be bad!
My friend David, from Cayman came over to visit, and within a few days was admitted to
Stoke-on-Trent Hospital with an infection that resulted in an amputation. It
must have called for depths of character that I would certainly find difficult,
but I have learned that stoicism is a useful gift, and he has it in spades! We
wish him all the best, but he will be here over the New Year, I think.
Today I am
finishing up with a few odds and ends, some of which come from Barry in Oz, and
others from Alan and I am indebted to them both.
Maybe the Best Blonde Joke Ever!
Two blonde girls were working for the
city public works department. One
would dig a hole and the other would
follow behind her and fill the hole
in. They worked up one side of the
street, then down the other, then
moved on to the next street, working
furiously all day without rest, one
girl digging a hole, the other girl
filling it in again.
An onlooker was amazed at their hard
work, but couldn't understand what
they were doing. So he asked the hole
digger, 'I'm impressed by the
effort you two are putting in to your
work, but I don't get it -- why do
you dig a hole, only to have your
partner follow behind and fill it up
again?'
The hole digger wiped her brow and
sighed, 'Well, I suppose it probably
looks odd because we're normally a
three-person team. But today the girl
who plants the trees called in sick.'
+++
Marriage Seminar
A group of women were at a seminar on
how to live in a loving relationship with their husbands.
The women were asked, "How many of
you love your husband?"
All the women raised
their hands.
Then they were asked,
"When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?"
Some women answered
today, a few yesterday, and some couldn't remember.
The women were then
told to take out their cell phones and text their husband - "I love you,
Sweetheart"
Next the women were
instructed to exchange phones with one another and read aloud the text message they
received in response to their message.
Below are 11
hilarious replies. If you have been married for quite a while, you understand
that these replies are a sign of true love.
Who else would reply
in such a succinct and honest way?
1. Who the hell is
this?
2. Eh, mother of my
children, are you sick or what?
3. Yeah, and I love
you too. What's wrong?
4. What now? Did you
wreck the car again?
5. I don't understand
what you mean.
6. What the hell did
you do now?
7. Don't beat about
the bush, just tell me how much you need.
8. Am I dreaming?
9. If you don't tell
me who this message is actually for, someone will die.
10. I thought we
agreed you wouldn't drink during the day.
11. Your mother is
coming to stay with us, isn't she?
+++
Finally –
Nursery Rhymes won’t die out if we keep them updated. However, I have the
Oxford Book of Nursery Rhymes open beside me, and none of the following appear
there.
Humpty Dumpty sat
on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a
great fall
The structure of
the wall was incorrect
So he won a grand
with Claims Direct.
It's Raining,
It's Pouring
Of course...
it's Global
Warming.
Jack and Jill went
into town
To fetch some chips
and sweeties.
He can't keep his
heart rate down
And she's got
diabetes.
Mary had a little
lamb
It ran into a
pylon.
10,000 volts went
up its arse
And turned its wool
to nylon.
Georgie Porgie
Pudding and Pie
Kissed the girls
and made them cry.
When the boys came
out to play
He kissed them too ‘cos he was gay.
Jack and Jill went
up the hill
And planned to do
some kissing.
Jack made a
pass
And grabbed her
ass
Now two of his
teeth are missing.
Mary had a little
lamb
Its fleece was
white and wispy.
Then it caught Foot
and Mouth
And now it's black
and crispy.
Ta ta!
