apologies for Lateness!

It's now the 25 March and this should have been done on the 1st. I know a holiday in Cyprus got in the way of that, but it should have been done earlier than this.

Cyprus was very good - the warm weather loosened up the Grenyer joints and back, and I was going well. The sun did not shine every day, but what rain there was was during the night, accompanied on 2 occasions by spectacular thunderstorms, which I always enjoy. There is no much more exciting than extremes of weather, especially if you are under cover and wearing appropriate clothing.

We hired a car and went all over the island south of the green line. And, to our surprise, there are now coach tours to Northern Cyprus from the south. The usual Turkish bureaucracy on the border - everyone out of the coach, lined up to have their passport stamped on the way in, and again on the way out, but it is a separate country, and the Turkish side are keen to make everyone aware of that. But if you want a really cheap, and good, holiday, Northern Cyprus is at present the place to go to. The Turkish lira is deteriorating, like it always has, and I am not sure why, and it is very cheap, so we were able to buy a lunch of tournedos Rossini for two for about £20, while sitting under an umbrella to keep off the sun, right on the edge of the harbour at Kyrenia, which is now called Girne. And I believe that you can now fly to the south, at Larnaca, and then get a taxi to take you to your hotel in the north, if you go via the right company.

Arriving back home there were just under 200 e-mails, which has added to the delay. But they do have to be read, answered or acted upon - often all three.

And we have been out - last night to the Festival Hall to a recital on the newly refurbished organ, which is now absolutely splendid. You can now see all the pipes, whereas formerly many were hidden, some of them at the back of the orchestra pit, which did not enhance their sound.

Somewhat contrary to my normal propensity, we have given up alcohol for Lent. 40 days without the amber fluid is a lot, and not too easy, but we are well on the way. It has upset one or two of my friends who have presented some decent wine at dinner, only to find that it has been rejected. Bus it is an indication of how much we have been drinking, because you remember the circumstances each time you refuse a drink or order an orange juice.

This is quite short, so far, partly because I have to have something for the 1 April, before we go to Scotland, and partly because I still have stuff to be done.

However, Try some of these:

Don't have a corkscrew to open a wine bottle. No problem, you may never need one in future if you follow the video below:

http://www.mirabeauwine.com/how-to-open-a-bottle-of-wine-without-a-corkscrew/ 

and

 This is why they should be given independence

or 

Nursery Rhymes with a Modern Twist……………..

Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.
********************

Mary had a little lamb.
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.
********************

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.
********************

Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie man,
'What have you got there?'
Said the pie man unto Simon,
'Pies, you dumb ass' !!
********************

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.
********************

Hey diddle, diddle, the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.
********************

Georgie Porgy pudding and pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.
********************

There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad...
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a
Sports car.

Squeeze

There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, 'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned..'The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven.' 

The young woman said, 'Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.' 

The priest thought long and hard and then said, 'Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.' 

The young woman asked, 'Will this cleanse me of my sins?' 

The priest said, 'No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face.' 


 

Looks of Disappointment 

A man was just waking up from anaesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, 'You're beautiful.' Then he fell asleep again. 

His wife had never heard him say that before, so she stayed by his side. A few minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said, 'You're cute...' The wife was disappointed because instead of 'beautiful,' it was now 'cute.' 

She asked, 'What happened to beautiful?' 

The man replied, 'The drugs are wearing off.' 
 

Catholic Dog

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company.. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, 'Father, my dog is dead... Could ya' be saying' a mass for the   poor creature?' 

Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church.... But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature.' 

Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?' 

Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?
  

Donation

Father O'Malley answers the phone.

'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?'

'It is!' 

'This is the Internal Revenue Service . Can you help us?' 

'I can!'

'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?' 

'I do!'

'Is he a member of your congregation?' 

'He is!' 

'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?' 

'He will.' 
 

And Finally:

This really happened to an Englishman in France who was totally drunk.

The French policeman stops his car and asks the gentleman if he has been drinking.

With great difficulty, the Englishman admits that he has been drinking all day, that his daughter got married in the morning to a French man, and that he drank champagne and a few bottles of wine at the reception and a quite few glasses of single malt thereafter. 

Quite upset, the policeman proceeds to Alco test (breath test) him and asks the Englishman if he knows under French Law why he has just been arrested.

The Englishman answers with humour:  "No! Do you know that this is a British car and that my wife is the driver...on the other side?"