June has been quite a month. Firstly, I gave up the allotment. I had always intended that this would be part of the Grand Plan, insofar as I had one. We downsized from the big house with the big garden in Orpington when we returned from Cayman, and that was painful enough. Moving from a 5 bedroomed house with a third of an acre of garden to an 1-bedroomed flat with a maintained garden is quite a painful exercise in itself, but that is what we did. And as I always liked gardening, when we eventually moved in permanently, in 2004 on our return from Jersey, I took on an allotment, because when the time came that I did not want to do it any more, for whatever reason, I just had to stop paying £5 a year. It was all becoming a bit of a burden, even though I had turned it from a vegetable patch to a soft fruit garden, and, rather than let it go in the condition in which I received it - covered in 4-foot high thistles! - I passed it on in a reasonable condition. The new occupiers have a lot of decent fruit bushes, which I hope they will keep, but that is up to them.
We have done a lot in June. We started off with 2 parties on the 1s and second. Leon had his 40th on the 1st, and there was a Coronation celebration put on my friends Alan and Christine on the 2nd. Plenty of fizz at both! Then there was the Cliff Richard concert. Sonia wanted to do this, so we stayed at Hove - the concert was in the Sussex Cricket Ground - and walked up the road to it. Having seen the performances recently of Acker Bilk, and a bit earlier, Kenny Ball (now decd.) I was not really looking forward to it, and when the man arrived on stage I thought he might not have quite the bounce and flexibility that Mick Jagger has, but as the night wore on he got more and more active and by the end he was skipping about like a young sheep, if no actually a lamb. I do not know what he took to get there, but whatever it was worked. Mind you, he depended a lot on the backing group. His session men were extremely talented, and he acknowledged that in his little speech before the last number. They provided the depth and rhythm which he could probably not have generated in the way he did 50 - odd years ago....
To the Dulwich College/JAGS Founders Day celebrations last weekend. They do seem to get children to play musical instruments at an extraordinarily high level these days. We wen there because the grandchildren - or some of them - go to the Dulwich schools. It was primarily an open-air concert with picnic. Amazing performances and lots of food and wine. Fireworks at the end, as good as any I have seen for some years. No wonder the school fees are so high!
Finally to the Theatre on Saturday last to see Relatively Speaking. Alan Ayckbourn's play that first made his name. For background, go to http://relativelyspeaking.alanayckbourn.net/styled/index.html where you can read all about it. It is hilarious. This was Sonia's treat for her 70th, which was on the 30 June, so you have all missed it! But it was not really celebrated - we now only celebrate anniversaries, not birthdays.
Some good jokes arrived this month - some for the second time, but all the better for seeing how well they have worn. For example:
A blonde city girl marries an Idaho rancher. One morning,
on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to his wife, "The
insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a
nail into the 2 by 4 above the cow's stall. Show him which cow it is when he
gets here, OK?"
The rancher then leaves for the fields.
After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. The blonde takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when Jennifer sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one right here."
The man, assuming he's dealing with an air head asks, "Tell me lady, 'cause I'm dying to know; how would YOU know that this is the right cow?"
"That's simple, by the nail over its stall," she explains very confidently.
Laughing rudely at her, the man says, "And what, pray tell, is the nail for?"
The blonde turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder, "I guess it's to hang your pants on."
The rancher then leaves for the fields.
After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. The blonde takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when Jennifer sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one right here."
The man, assuming he's dealing with an air head asks, "Tell me lady, 'cause I'm dying to know; how would YOU know that this is the right cow?"
"That's simple, by the nail over its stall," she explains very confidently.
Laughing rudely at her, the man says, "And what, pray tell, is the nail for?"
The blonde turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder, "I guess it's to hang your pants on."
One for the Blondes!
Or:
WHAT CONFUCIUS DIDN'T SAY
Man
who wants Pretty Nurse, must be patient.
Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.
Better to be pissed off than pissed on.
Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.
Squirrel who runs up woman's' leg will not find nuts.
Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.
Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.
War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.
Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night.
It takes many nails to build a crib, but only one screw to fill it.
Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.
Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement..
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
Finally CONFUCIUS also didn't SAY. . .
"A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood !"
That's all, Folks!
