We left off at that part of the story where I had acquired what David called a 'mobility chariot'. What I found was that the kit that had to be installed to get it in and out of the car completely filled up the space between the tailgate and the backs of the front seats. An was not removable easily to allow access to the spare wheel. So, no luggage and a spare wheel rolling around loose. This meant that we had a very expensive two seater 4x4. As usual we have opted for the most expensive solution - a Ford Galaxy, which has no spare wheel, and is big enough to take the scooter in the boot and still leave us a couple of usable back seats It' actually a pleasure to drive, and replaces the old Volvo, which was getting difficult for me to get in and out of with any degree of elegance. Not that I have ever done elegance. Although I did once - also in Ford Galaxy, which was our wedding car, and rather different from today's version. It was also spelt 'Galaxie' which I did not know until I searched for an image to upload, but without success.
June is a month of birthdays in the Grenyer household, so there have been a series of parties, celebrations and cards and presents to be opened. Sonia and I have actually stopped celebrating birthdays but now concentrate on anniversaries, which should be celebrated as an achievement, whereas birthdays are more like places to rest as you go downhill.
Some dozen or so of former classmates at Eltham met at the Skinners Arms in Judd Street, near St Pancras station early in the month. There are pictures on the web at
http://colinchurcher2015.blogspot.co.uk/2015/06/thursday-4-june-class-of-1960.html but they are not very illuminating.
Grandchildren are getting near to the end of term, and in one case, getting near to leaving school altogether. All very different from when we left school, which really revolved round the Porcupine at Mottingham (RiP) as now they have a full-on Coming Down Ball at a swell venue in central London,with black ties, girl-friends and all. And a series of BBQs and parties organised by the special interest groups at school. How life has changed.
People have been very kind, and I have a varied selection of bits and pieces this month:
THE ITALIAN AUCTION
A Chinese
Ming Vase is up for auction.
The
bidding opens at a half-million Euros. Bidding is brisk and each bidder is
clearly identified as each raises the bid by 100,000 Euros. (The exchange rate
at auction time was 1 Euro = $1.43.) Within seconds, the bid stalls at one
million Euros, and the gasp from the crowd identifies the excitement that
prevails in the room.
The
successful bidder is the last one who bid one million, and the
auctioneer counts down the bid, "Going once, going twice, and sold to the
gentleman sitting in front of me for one million Euros." The auctioneer is
exuberant. The pace is fast. This is how an auction
should be run. Please note the excitement on the auctioneer's face
after the final bid.
Now, watch the video
for yourself!...
It's
tough to admit, but there are a couple of these that I just can't do any more!....
***
Some of you may not be old enough to
remember this classic from the '60s'.
Here it is anyway. For those still caught in the '60s groove -- this is the
answer to how that magnificent
signature tune came about...Superb....wait till the guy whistles!
THE UKULELE ORCHESTRA OF GREAT BRITAIN - THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY!!
***
THE UKULELE ORCHESTRA OF GREAT BRITAIN - THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY!!
***
Take
some time to look at this!
Boat lift -
an outstanding
video clip
We certainly were busy watching the news
right after 9/11, but we never saw this......BOAT-LIFT OF 9/11.....
The fact is, it was all done in 9
hours ... 500,000 people!
We will never forget what happened that day.
If you wish, please, pass this message
along. (Narrated by Tom Hanks)
***
The
$20.00 Bill
Remember the story of the young boy who found
$20 and gave it to a soldier, because he reminded him of his Dad?
This is the unexpected follow-up. (Be
sure to watch to the end).
http://nethugs.com/inspirational/stories/ohio-boys-gift-to-soldier/
http://nethugs.com/inspirational/stories/ohio-boys-gift-to-soldier/
***
SOME
REAL CASES OF " INTERNATIONAL RELIEF"....
***
PAKISTANI
HUMAN PILE DRIVER
Here's
a construction technique that is handy to know. It will put you in the
picture
Notice
that the pile-driving becomes especially effective when the extra man jumps on
(NB: For engineering buffs, the detailed mechanical calculations are at the end
of the email.) Very finely tuned! The
chant is also catchy.
Increase
the chant and the dynamic force goes up to 5 times to bring maximum
pressure/thump to 1600 psi for a 7-man team. It will penetrate hard
clay and sandy soil but not hard rock!
PS: The
foreman is the guy on the tambourine...
Mechanical
Calculations:
6 men x
180 lbs. = 1080 lbs. static force Jumping up and down will create a 3 times
dynamic effect = 3240 lbs./jump = 1.6-ton thumps if the pile is tapered to 2
in. x 2 in., cross section at the tip = sq. in. So, dynamic press
"Add a man" feature will increase to 950 psi - so buy the option!
***
SIR
REGINALD'S MARVELLOUS ORGAN
***
In
Catholic schools students are taught that lying is a sin.
However, instructors are also advised that using a bit of
imagination is OK to express the truth differently without
lying. Below is a perfect example of this teaching:
Getting a Hairdryer Through Customs
An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the
priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favour?'
'Of course child. What can I do for you?'
'Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her
birthday. It is unopened but well over the customs limits
and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you
could carry it through customs for me? Could you possibly
hide it under your robes for me?'
'I would love to help you my dear but, I must warn you, I
will not tell a lie.'
'With your honest face, Father, I'm sure that no one will
question you.'
When they got to customs, she let the priest go first.
The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to
declare?'
'From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing
to declare.'
The official thought this answer a little strange, so he
asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist
to the floor?'
'I have a marvelous instrument that has been designed
for use on women, but which, to date, remains unused.'
Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead,
Father. Next please!'
However, instructors are also advised that using a bit of
imagination is OK to express the truth differently without
lying. Below is a perfect example of this teaching:
Getting a Hairdryer Through Customs
An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the
priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favour?'
'Of course child. What can I do for you?'
'Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her
birthday. It is unopened but well over the customs limits
and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you
could carry it through customs for me? Could you possibly
hide it under your robes for me?'
'I would love to help you my dear but, I must warn you, I
will not tell a lie.'
'With your honest face, Father, I'm sure that no one will
question you.'
When they got to customs, she let the priest go first.
The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to
declare?'
'From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing
to declare.'
The official thought this answer a little strange, so he
asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist
to the floor?'
'I have a marvelous instrument that has been designed
for use on women, but which, to date, remains unused.'
Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead,
Father. Next please!'
***
A married
man was having an affair
with his
secretary.
One day they
went to her place
and made
love all afternoon.
Exhausted,
they fell asleep
and woke up
at 8 PM.
The man
hurriedly dressed
and told his
lover to take his shoes
outside and
rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on
his shoes and drove home.
'Where have
you been?' his wife demanded.
'I can't lie
to you,' he replied,
'I'm having
an affair with my secretary.
We had sex
all afternoon.'
She looked
down at his shoes and said:
'You lying
bastard!
You've been
playing golf!'
The 2nd
Affair
A
middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters
but always
talked about having a son.
They decided
to try one last time
for the son
they always wanted.
The wife got
pregnant
and
delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful
father rushed to the nursery
to see his
new son.
He was
horrified at the ugliest child
he had ever
seen.
He told his
wife: ' There's no way I can
be the
father of this baby.
Look at the
two beautiful daughters I fathered!
Have you
been fooling around behind my back?'
The wife
smiled sweetly and replied:
'No, not
this time!'
The 3rd
Affair
A mortician
was working late one night.
He examined
the body of Mr. Valentino,
about to be
cremated, and made a startling discovery.
Valentino
had the largest private part
he had ever
seen!
'I'm sorry
Mr. Valentino,' the mortician
commented,
'I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part.
It must be
saved for posterity.'
So, he removed
it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.
'I have
something to show
you won't
believe,' he said to his wife,
opening his
briefcase.
'My God!'
the wife exclaimed,
'Valentino
is dead!'
The 4th
Affair
A woman was
in bed with her lover
when she
heard her husband
opening the
front door.
'Hurry,' she
said, 'stand in the corner.'
She rubbed
baby oil all over him,
then dusted
him with talcum powder.
'Don't move
until I tell you,'
she said.
'Pretend you're a statue.'
'What's this?'
the husband inquired
as he
entered the room.
'Oh it's a
statue,' she replied.
'The Smiths
bought one and I liked it
so I got one
for us, too.'
No more was
said,
not even
when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM
the husband got up,
went to the
kitchen and returned
with a
sandwich and a beer.
'Here,' he
said to the statue, 'have this.
I stood like
that for two days at the Smiths
and nobody
offered me a damned thing.'
The 5th
Affair
A man walked
into a cafe,
went to the
bar and ordered a beer
'Certainly,
Sir, that'll be one cent.'
'One Cent?'
the man exclaimed.
He glanced
at the menu and asked:
'How much
for a nice juicy steak
and a bottle
of wine?'
'A nickel,'
the barman replied.
'A nickel?'
exclaimed the man.
'Where's the
guy who owns this place?'
The
bartender replied:
'Upstairs,
with my wife.'
The man
asked: 'What's he doing upstairs with your wife?'
The
bartender replied:
'The same
thing I'm doing to his business down here.'
The 6th
& Best Affair
Jonas was
dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
He looked up
and said weakly:
'I have
something I must confess.'
'There's no
need to, 'his wife replied.
'No,' he
insisted,
'I want to
die in peace.
I slept with
your sister, your best friend,
her best
friend, and your mother!'
'I know,'
she replied.
'Now just rest and let the poison work.'
That seems to be about the lot. Thanks to all my correspondents, and keep 'em coming!!
