June has been quite an interesting month! We have got rid of two party leaders, including the Prime Minster, and efforts are being made to do the same to a third one. The Virgin Sturgeon seems to have a charmed life, but that may simply be because she is better at her job than any of the others. But she needs to remember that all politicians' careers end in failure - the same applies to long jump and pole vault competitions. Goodness knows how you coach anyone who is good at a a sport like that - but there was a pole vault national coach at the boys' school while they were there.
June is a birthday month for the Grenyers, but the senior members have long ago ceased to celebrate anything except anniversaries. People are very nice and send us cards, and they are much appreciated, and a certain amount of alcohol is consumed at my expense around my birthday, but otherwise nothing much happens. All very different when I reached the ages of thirty and forty. - and fifty I suppose. Then reality set in. Helped with a recommendation that I read Psalm 90, verse 10, qv, sent by my colleague in the Cayman Islands.
Actually, today - 5 July is a pretty special anniversary. On this day in 1954 Elvis recorded That's All Right Mama for Sun Records, and started something. Go to
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NmopYuF4BzY
It only lasts 1 min 57 secs, and it is quite odd how we used to expect pop songs to last such a short time. But if you look down the list of other excerpts on the right while the music is playing there are some worthwhile reminiscences - such as 28 minutes of Spike Milligan in Q8.
Did the Rotary Motor Treasure Hunt last week - our friends the Gregories ensured we got a place, but we had asked No. 1 son to participate as he was up on a visit with his family, and I have to say that, having never done a treasure hunt before, they came a resounding first and collected 2 bottles of champagne. Their kids, aged 7 and 9 were delighted, but they did get a packet of chocolates sweets apiece for their efforts.
Also got myself back on the railways to Town and went to a Chapter meeting with dinner in Pall Mall for the first time for some months - getting on for a couple of years, so quite pleased about that. Strange though, how you meet people regularly and don't notice much change in them, but if you drop out for even just 18 months or so, and then go back, they seem to have grown older. And no doubt they think the same about me!
There are still some decent stories and web sites coming in, although the supply is getting smaller. Are people getting tired of humour, or is it running out? I have been exchanging jokes with friends since about 1995 when I went to Cayman and it would be a shame to see then end of all of that. Here is June's crop:
The Biker and the Lord
A man was riding his Harley along
a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head....
In a booming voice, the Lord
said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will
grant you one wish."
The biker pulled over and said,
"Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request
is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of
undertaking; the supports required to reach to bottom of the Pacific and the
concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural
resources.
I can do it, but it is hard for
me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time, and
think of something that could possibly help mankind."
The biker thought about it for a
long time.
Finally, he said, "Lord, I
wish that I, and all men, could understand our wives; I want to know how she
feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why
she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make my
woman truly HAPPY."
And the Lord replied......
"You want two lanes or four
on that bridge?"
+++
Subject: Best Quote of Any Era
The Budget should be balanced, the Treasury should be
refilled, public debt should be reduced, the arrogance of officialdom should be
tempered and controlled, and the assistance to foreign lands should be
curtailed, lest Rome will become bankrupt.
People must again learn to work instead of living on public
assistance."
Cicero, 55 BC
However, there is no such passage in the Cicero that I
learned at school. It seems that the Cicero who is said to have uttered those
words is in the novel by Taylor Caldwell, an American who wrote historic
novels.
+++
During a lull
between the speeches at a recent Parliament Hill Correspondent's dinner,
Sophie Grégoire-Trudeau leans over to chat with Harjit Sajjan,
Minister of Defence.
"Ya know, I
bought Justin a parrot for his birthday. The bird is so smart, Justin has
already taught him to pronounce over two hundred words!"
"Wow, that's
pretty impressive", says Harjit, "but you do realize that he just
speaks the words -- he doesn't really understand what they
mean."
"Oh, I
know", Sophie replies, "Neither does the parrot".
+++
He was in the hospital, in terrible pain.
He found himself in the ICU with tubes in his mouth,
needles and IV drips in both arms, a breathing mask, wires monitoring every
function, and a nurse hovering over him. He realized that he was obviously in a
life-threatening situation.
The nurse gave him a serious, deep look, straight into his
eyes, then spoke to him slowly and clearly, enunciating each word and syllable,
"You may not feel anything from the waist down."
Somehow he managed to mumble in reply, "Can I feel
your tits, then?"
AND THAT, MY FRIEND, IS A POSITIVE ATTITUDE
+++
Pure Genius… Amazing American Ingenuity
This is how beers are poured
at Phillies Field in Clearwater, Florida…afterwards the metal seal can be used
for a ball marker.
All mechanical
engineers will be kicking themselves for not thinking of this first .
++
Little Johnny was in the classroom bored to the back teeth
on a Friday afternoon, and the teacher decided to have a game for the kids to get
them thinking.
“Okay class. Now I'm going to say a famous quote, and the
first person to tell me who said that quote, can have Monday off.” said the teacher.
“Who is credited with writing the phrase, “To be or not to
be, that is the question”?” asked the teacher.
Little Pham Lam Nguyen at the front of the class called out,
“Shakespeare”.
“Well done!” said the teacher, “You can have Monday off.”
“No thank you Miss. I am of Vietnamese origin and it is in
our culture to study as hard as we can, so I will be here on Monday studying
hard.” said Little Pham Lam Nguyen.
“Well okay,” said the teacher.
The next quote is, “I had a dream!”
Little Fri Sum Kat also at the front yelled out “I bereiva
it was Martin Ruther King!”
“Well done!” said the teacher. 'You can have Monday off”
“No thanka you miss I am of Chinese oligin and we also do
not take time offa school. Education is evelything to us, so I will be in on Monday
studying hard too.” said little Fri Sum Kat.
“Okay,” said the teacher.
Then she heard a voice from the back of the classroom,
“F*%3ing Asians!”
“Who said that?” yelled the teacher in an angry tone.
“Donald Trump!” yelled little Johnny. “See ya Tuesday.”
+++
In a criminal justice system
based on 12 individuals not smart enough to get out of jury duty, here is a
jury to be proud of:
A defendant was on trial for
murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse.
In the defence’s closing
statement, the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted,
resorted to a trick.
"Ladies and gentlemen of the
jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his
watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case
will walk into this courtroom." He looked toward the courtroom door. The
jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly.
A minute passed. Nothing
happened.
Finally the lawyer said,
"Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with
anticipation. I, therefore, put it to you that you have a reasonable doubt in
this case as to whether anyone was killed, and I insist that you return a
verdict of not guilty."
The jury retired to deliberate. A
few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty.
"But how?" inquired the
lawyer. "You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the
door."
The jury foreman replied:
"Yes, we did look, but your
client didn't."
+++
Following on from the Brexit Anthem, this is so crazy it
sounds true.
+++
The
advantages of grandchildren
An elderly
couple returned to a Mercedes dealership to find the salesman had just sold the
car they were interested in to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde.
"I thought
you said you would hold that car till we raised the $75,000 asking price,"
said the man. "Yet I just heard you closed the deal for $65,000 to that
lovely young lady there. You insisted there could be no discount on this
model."
"Well,
what can I tell you? She had the ready cash, and just look at her, how could I
resist?" replied the grinning salesman.
Just then the
young woman approached the old folks and handed them the keys.
"There
you go," she said. "I told you I could get this joker to drop the
price. See you later,
Grandpa.”
+++++
Nice one to finish on. Have a good month.
