Today is the 3 October -Korea National Foundation Day. I thought you would like to know.
Not too bad on time this month. Mind you, it has been ominously quiet!
You wonder if it is the calm before the storm. Been watching the hurricane in
the Caribbean this week, but it has gone east of Cayman, and is causing havoc
in Jamaica, who can manage it better than the poor devils in Haiti and the
Dominican Republic. Sonia’s favourite car is a VW and it was one of those that
needed to have its black box adjusted to remove the cheating program that they
put in to hide the real emission levels. I knew it would upset the apple cart
and it has. When it was returned it almost immediately became undriveable, so
it went back, and even after two more attempts it still is not perfect. And
although it may – or may not – have reduced the emissions, it has played havoc
with the fuel consumption.
I was race controller on Sunday for the Tonbridge half-marathon. About
1500 runners, with three medical emergencies en route, so it kept us on our
toes – metaphorically. It means getting up at an ungodly hour, and spending 5
hours in a control room, situated in a mobile workmen’s hut, with a screen showing in real time the course,
with all the marshalling points, water stations
as well as the position of the lead runner, the last runner and the
sweep wagon that follows collecting up all sorts of impedimenta. The wonders of
the steam age! Also we had a lot of short wave radios and a bank of telephones.
And two concerts on Friday and on Sunday after the half-marathon. Friday
was at the Festival Hall, which was fun – it was all the Bond film music and a
lot of television theme tunes as well to make up a decent programme. Sunday was
in Tunbridge Wells, and was not all to my taste. Finlandia was OK and so was Prokofiev,
but you can keep Korngold. You can find some of his stuff on YouTube if you are
inclined, and you may see what I mean.
However, on a lighter note:
THE FUNNY FOOT-PUPPETS
Like the Judges on the panel, I
have never seen anything like this before…. If you haven’t either, then enjoy!
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This girl is unbelievable. You must see her perform.
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It is interesting that this superb performance
by Nigel Farage at the European Parliament in
Brussels wasn't reported in the French or
German media and it's wonderful to see the shots of Merkel's and Hollande's
faces as they listened to it! It is really a compelling watching (it's in English
with French subtitles, and quite brief).
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WATCH THIS LITTLE VIDEO - IT WILL BLOW YOUR
MIND!
(and it’s NOT photoshopped, either…)
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For those who do not listen to the 'Today'
programme on Radio 4, this is English humour at its best.
Right at the end of a programme recently,
there was a discussion about the obscene cost of entry into Premiership
football games, the cheapest price of
between £60 and £100 per game is not uncommon.
An older chap being interviewed said he could
recall many years ago arriving at the turnstiles (it was probably
the Cherries ground) and being told:- “That
will be ten quid, mate".
"What?!" the old chap said "I
could get a woman for that!"
The guy on the
turnstile retorted, "Not for
45 minutes each way with a brass band and a meat pie in the interval, you
wouldn't!"
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THE PARROT & THE MAGICIAN
A magician worked on a cruise ship.
The audience was different each week so the magician
did the same tricks over and over again.
There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw
the shows each week and began to understand how the Magician did every trick.
Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle
of the show, "Look, It’s not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's
hiding the flowers under the table!" Or "Hey, why are all the cards
the ace of spades?"
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It
was, after all, the Captain's' parrot.
Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship
unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were on board.
The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood
floating in the middle of the sea, as fate would have it ... With the parrot.
They stared at each other with hatred, but did not
utter a word.
This went on for a day... And then 2 days. And then 3
days. Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and
said....
"OK, I give up. Where's the fu***in' ship?"
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A wedding...
At a wedding ceremony, the pastor asked
if anyone had anything to say concerning the union of the bride and groom, it
was their time to stand up and talk, or forever hold their peace.
The moment of utter silence was
broken by a young beautiful woman carrying a child. She started walking toward
the pastor slowly.
Everything quickly turned to chaos.
The bride slapped the groom.
The groom's mother fainted.
The groomsmen started giving each other
looks and wondering how best to help save the situation.
The pastor asked the woman, "Can
you tell us why you came forward? What do you have to say?"
The woman replied, "We can't
hear...in the back."
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FILM STAR AMBUSHED IN JUNGLE BY APES…
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Mother's
Driver's Licence
A mother is
driving her little girl to her friend's house for a play date.
'Mummy', the
little girl asks, 'how old are you?'
'Honey, you are
not supposed to ask a lady her age', the mother replied. 'It's not polite'.
'OK', the little
girl says, 'what colour was your hair 2 years ago?'
'Now really',
the mother says, 'those are personal questions and are really none of your
business'.
Undaunted, the
little girl asks, 'Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?'
'That's enough
questions, young lady! Honestly!'
The exasperated
mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
'My Mum won't
tell me anything about her,' the little girl says to her friend.
'Well,' says the
friend, 'all you need to do is look at her driver's license. It's like a report
card, it has everything on it.'
Later that night
the little girl says to her mother, 'I know how old you are. You are 32.'
The mother is
surprised and asks, 'How did you find that out?'
'I also know
that you used to have brown hair.'
The mother is
past surprised and shocked now. 'How in Heaven's name did you find that out?'
'And,' the
little girl says triumphantly, 'I know why you and daddy got a divorce.'
'Oh really?' the
mother asks. 'Why?'
'Because on your
driving licence it says you got an "F" in sex'
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The Israeli
doctor said,
"In Israel,
medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's testicles, put them on another
man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for work."
The German
doctor said,
"That's
nothing, in Germany we take part of a brain, put it in another man and in 4
weeks he is looking for work."
The Russian
doctor said,
"Gentlemen,
we take half a heart from a man, put it in another man's chest and in 2 weeks
he is looking for work."
The Scottish
doctor just laughed and commented,
"You are all
way behind us. Thirteen months ago, we took a woman with no brains, no heart,
and no balls and made her first minister of Scotland.
Now, the whole
of Scotland is looking for work!"
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Pre-flight
announcement
She is a fast talker, so pay
attention to the script on left of screen....
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One day in the future, Donald Trump has a
heart-attack and dies... He immediately goes to Hell, where the devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do
here," says the devil.
"You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to
stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks
here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to
take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
Trump thought that sounded pretty good, so the
devil opened the door to the first room.
In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of
water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over
he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.
"No," Trump said. "I don't
think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long."
The devil led him to the door of the next room.
In it was Al Gore with a sledge- hammer and a
room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after
time.
"No, this is no good; I've got this
problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break
rocks all day," commented Trump.
The devil opened a third door. Through it,
Trump saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs
restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing
what she does best.
Trump looked at this in shocked disbelief, and
finally said, "Yeah man, I can handle this."
The devil smiled and said...........
"OK, Monica, you're free to go ! "
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While we are on the subject…..
Thoughts of Monica Lewinski:
“Just think…..if my ex-boyfriend’s wife
becomes President … she’ll have to sit at the same desk that I was under!
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Bull Fight
. . . . . .your smile for the day
Nice
to see people having such a good time!
Seems a good note to leave and wish you
a happy October – or what is left of it.
