Back from Cyprus

Here we are back in UK. When we left it was covered with snow. So we went to Cyprus for 3 weeks. Cyprus is just south of Turkey. For the last 3 weeks Turkey has been covered by a massive depression, and has also been covered with snow from its northern borders to the south coast! Cyprus escaped the snow, and we had some wonderful sunny days, but it has been the coldest winter in Cyprus for over 100 years, or so they kept telling up. But it is a country with very cheap wine that has come a long way since the days of Emva Cream sherry.

We stayed at a first class resort called Columbia Beach Resort. Highly recommended to anyone who values good efficient German service (it is German owned) tempered with Greek attitude. Everything worked, but there were no compulsory exercises every morning.

One of the effects of the stay was that I am now climbing up and down stairs with great ease, as we had an upstairs suite, and I must have climbed the stairs at least ten times a day. Very effective physio.

Having been away for at least 3 weeks, ther is not a lot of news. But I can leave you with a couple of lines from a Cayman correspondent:

How Attaturk solved the Burqa problem.

For those struggling to ban women from wearing Burqa in their countries, Mustafa Kamal, who has a nickname of "Attaturk" and who is the founder of modern Turkey, resolved the problem in a very wise way.

He issued the following decree:

"With immediate effect, all Turkish women are privileged to wear whatever they choose, however, all prostitutes must wear a Burqa.

The very next day, no woman in Turkey was seen in a Burqa. Voila!

Have a Good One!!

A Pinch and a Punch on the first day of the month!

It's the 1/2 and very cold. Walking is getting easier as the days pass, but more difficult as the temperature falls. But we get up to London quite often - usually to a play, although we did go last week to Chinatown on New Year's Eve (Chinese) to see the dragons dance and the drummers drumming. All good stuff.

Good to see CDJ putting the boot in to Lord Ashcroft on Panorama the night before last. I expect to hear that he has received a letter from m'learned friends, Messes Sue, Grabbit and Runne shortly.

Later on we shall be going to Cyprus, DV, for a bit of sunshine. I could do with that. At the end of working in the tropics I used to have quite a decent tan, as in the strong sunlight your skin tans under a shirt, but now I am the same colour as my shirts!

I heard from a chap in Cayman the other day:

Read slowly to figure this one.....got it?...well great, but how can one poor fellow arrive in this predicament?

A story about a Jamaican man . . . a story that only happens in Jamaica. . . as he writes:

A went wid mi fasness go get marrid to a widow who had a daughtah dat was big already.

As ting will happen, mi fahdda fall in love wid mi new stepdaughtah an dem get married .


Derefore: Mi fahdda ah now mi son-in-law, while at di same time mi step
daughta a now mi step maddah.

But dat aint all. In di meantime, mi wife get pregnant an' had mi son - mi son who now turn out to be mi fadda breddah-in-law an also mi own uncle 'cause he is di breddah of mi step-mahddah who is also mi step daughtah. Dis is where tings turn raht*id mad.

Mi fahddah wife now hav a son who is technically mi breddah but is really mi gran-son . . .

Derefore: mi wife is mi granmaddah cause she is mi step-Maddah Maddah.

So now I-man is mi wife husban an gran-pickney at di same time! An being a husban of a gran-maddah mek me ah gran-fahddah. So now I en up being mi own granfahddah...

Lawd, what a ra*s mix up!

And that is about that for this month.

Happy New Year

Well, here we are in 2012. There will follow a month of initialled alterations in cheques as we get used to the fact that the year has changed. Here in UK today there have been humungous gales and really penetrating rain. I have managed to get the raspberries pruned over the Christmas break, partly because a generous lady at the bridge club on the Monday before Christmas arrived with a really bad cough and cold, coughed all over us for three hands and then moved on to each table in turn distributing her largesse. I went down with it first, and Sonia followed, so we ended up not going anywhere on New Year's Eve, after which I felt much better and blew away the cobwebs doing the pruning. Then on the following day to Whitstable where I had some of the best oysters you can get anywhere in the world, washed down with a bottle of muscadet. From all of which you may gather that I have more or less recovered.

It has not been a good year for jokes, but the best two are as follows:


A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.
When I quizzed him on it, he reckoned he could stop any time.....

I was at a cashpoint yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance.
Not being one to disappoint, I pushed the old dear over.

My son's been asking me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!!
Too dear, I thought: I can get one cheaper off the web.

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.
Just heard there was an explosion at a pie factory in Huddersfield .
Because of the factory product, casualties were just 3.1415927 dead

Saw my mate outside the Doctor's today looking really worried.
"What's the matter?" I asked.
"I've got the big C,"he said.
"What, cancer?"
"No - dyslexia."

I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.

A Scottish paedophile has raised a dispute with eBay.
He claims that the Wii GameBoy he received isn't what he was expecting.

I got some new aftershave today that smells like breadcrumbs. The birds love it!

I was driving this morning when I saw an Automobile Association van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable.
I thought to myself: ‘That guy’s heading for a breakdown’.

The lead actor in the local pantomime, Aladdin, was sexually abused from behind on stage last night.
To be fair, the audience did try to warn him!....

****

Dating in 1957

It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1957 and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue.

He arrived at her house and rang the bell. "Oh, come on in!" Peggy Sue's mother said as she welcomed Fred in. "Have a seat in the living room. Would you like something to drink?
Lemonade? Iced tea?" "Iced tea, please," Fred said.

Mom brought the iced tea. "So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?" she asked. "Oh, probably catch a movie, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the malt shop, maybe take a walk on the beach..." "Peggy likes to screw, you know," Mom informed him.

"Uh...really?" Fred replied, with raised eyebrows. "Oh, yes!" the mother continued. "When she goes out with her friends, that's all they do!" "Is that so?" asked Fred, incredulous. "Yes," said the mother. "As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her!"

"Well, thanks for the tip," Fred said as he began thinking about alternate plans for the evening. A moment later, Peggy Sue came down the stairs looking pretty as a picture wearing a pink blouse and hoop skirt, and with her hair tied back in a bouncy ponytail. She greeted Fred. "Have fun, kids," the mother said as they left.

Half an hour later, a completely dishevelled Peggy Sue burst into the house and slammed the front door behind her.

"The Twist, Mom!" she angrily yelled to her mother in the kitchen. "The damned dance is called the Twist!

***

And that just about sums it up. Happy New year to you all, and may it be healthy and prosperous for us all.

Christmas is Coming!!

I missed a month because I had to get a new computer, and a certain amount got lost in the move. Progressing well after the last set-back, and walking is getting better - I managed the best part of half a mile the other day, as there were demonstrations by strikers in London, and there were no taxis or buses. And though I have been on the tube, It was not going to be much help on that particular journey.

Christmas is on the way. We have ordered the tree - 9 feet as usual. We can do this in our place - there are 15 foot ceilings, and anything smaller looks ridiculous. And we get them from a man in the village, who charges only a fraction of what we would pay from a proper commercial outfit. We do the same with the turkey, too.

I am working the allotment - planting more fruit bushes and doing away with some of the vegetable patch. Fruit is less hard work than veggies. We shall have to get a larger freezer.

So all seems to be going OK - have a good Christmas and a happy and prosperous New year.

October News

A bit late this month – because I have been in hospital. Again. 16 days on a drip to cure a bad attack of cellulitis in my leg. I thought this was something that 20 something year old bimbos got on their thighs, but not so. That is something else… Very unpleasant, and has got in the way of my mobility recovery. However, it seems to be under control now. But it means that social contact will be restricted for a time. Pity, that.

Other than that, things seem to be in order. The fine weather has deserted us, and we are heading for autumn.

More in our next.

The First Day of Autumn!

Well, it's the 1 September, which, meteorologically speaking, is the first day of autumn. Actually it's one of the sunniest that we have had for months! Welcome to the UK.

The first of the month is the day I try to update this blog, too, although it is sometimes late, and occasionally early. Gentle improvement in my mobility is the order of the day.Daily I do not notice anything,- sometimes it is a good day, sometimes I go backwards, n and week on week, there is not a lot of difference, but month on month there is definite and perceptible improvement. It was always going to be slow.

This year has been fantastic for soft fruit - we must have picked about 30 pounds of raspberries, and the damson trees are breaking under the strain. And lots and lots of black and red currants, and loganberries. So next year, we shall probably have a very poor crop - such is the way things work here. But I was glad that I had put most of the plot down to fruit - it has saved a lot of digging, which is not very easy yet. And probably not advisable.

Still putting in a lot of swimming. Does not get me any slimmer, although I am probably getting more exercise now than I have taken since I got married, as Sonia most unkindly put it. Not quite sure what she means.

That will do for the time being. Off to Scotland in a week's time to meet the Brodies - Alan was manager of Scotiabank in Grand Cayman when I was there, and we are still in touch.

More in our next!

All seems pretty good

The title says it all really, although I am always wary of being too upbeat! But I am now concentrating on getting my gait more graceful - or at least less ungainly. It means taking longer strides, and this requires greater strength in my core muscles. People say - "pilates" but that seems a little extreme. Just making myself do it is a better, cheaper option. The allotment is coming on - lots of soft fruit this year, and much of it due to the stuff from the local farmthat I have spread around in the autumn. Still swimming and that is now where I am off to. Have a good one!