After all of that there will be a period of 6 weeks when I have to sit with my hips higher than my knees and must not cross my legs, which is all bearable, and when I have to sleep only on my back, which is going to be something else. I shall need to be sandbagged into position, I should think, but it has to be done.
The chap who is doing the op is a Sri Lankan surgeon who apparently has done more than 700 hips in the last 3 years, with a higher than average success rate. You can work out his likely earnings!
Last month has been a bit quiet, although Leon has exchanged contracts on his sale and purchase, which will enable him to clear his mortgage, buy a new house mortgage-free, and still have enough to do the essential repairs, alterations and additions, as well as to add to his retirement fund. Strange to hear your children thinking about such things! Neil has been appointed a director of Lawrences, auctioneers at Crewkerne, which means he is selling up in Derbyshire and moving to Dorset. So everything is changing.
Apart from that, nothing much has happened since the last post, mainly because I have been careful not to damage my chances of getting on to the table on the 3/9. We have been baby-sitting in Derbyshire for 4 days, staying at the Hilton at E Midlands airport for £56 per night B & B which was too good an offer to turn down, specially as we had a 15 metre pool for the kids to play in free of charge. And we have been for a look round Sherborne which is where Neil hopes to be living.
FROM
THE SUFFOLK GAZETTE
Morris
dancers and blind footballers in mass brawl
Exclusive By Hugh Dunnett - Crime Reporter
Police were called after a mass
brawl broke out in a pub car park between a group of Morris dancers and a blind
football team.
The footballers were enjoying a match on the village
green at Rattlesden, near Stowmarket, using a ball with a bell in it so they
could keep up with play.
But all hell broke out when the Morris dancers began
performing at a nearby pub.
A player kicked the ball off the pitch towards the
Brewers Arms, and then mistook the Morris dancers’ uniform bells for the one in
the ball.
He promptly kicked one of the dancers in the shin,
sending him flying over a table and crashing into a flower pot. A hanging
basket then fell on his head.
More blind footballers then joined the melee, kicking out
at the bells and then being surprised when they were punched by furious Morris
men.
The brawl was only stopped when the referee caught up and
blew his whistle loudly.
Three Morris men suffered severely bruised legs, while
one of the footballers had a cut caused by being hit on the head with a Morris
dancer’s stick.
With everyone blaming each other, the police were called
to sort out the mess.
A Suffolk police spokesman said: “It was certainly an
unusual call from one of the locals in the pub. By the time we got there it had
all calmed down, and both sides realised how the mistake had been made.
“In fact they had made up and were all enjoying a drink
together, although a couple were still being patched up by the landlord’s wife.
“We took no further action, but recommended that the
Morris men did not use bells on their uniforms when the blind footballers were
playing nearby.”
+++
On the first day, God created the dog, and said,
"Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or
walks past. For this I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking.
How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"
And God said that it was good.
On the second day, God created the monkey, and said,
"Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you
a twenty-year life span."
The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years?
That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the
dog did?"
And God again said that it was good.
On the third day, God created the cow, and said,
"You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under
the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I
will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you
want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty, and I'll give back the other
forty?"
And God agreed it was good.
On the fourth day, God created humans, and said,
"Eat, sleep, play, marry, and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you
twenty years."
But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you
possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey
gave back, and the ten the dog gave back? That makes eighty, okay?"
"Okay," said God, "you asked for
it."
So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat,
sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun
to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain
the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and
bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you. There is no need
to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service.
If you are looking for me, I will be on the front
porch.
++
It all
happens in the deep South
Georgia
The owner of a golf course in
Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his
secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and
said, “Y’all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If
I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much
would you take off?”
The secretary thought a moment, and
then replied, “Everthang but my earrings.”
Louisiana
A senior citizen in Louisiana was
overheard saying, “When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana
..”
When asked why, he replied, “I’d
rather be in Louisiana ‘cause everythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later
than in the rest of the world.”
Mississippi
The young man from Mississippi came
running into the store and said to his buddy,
“Bubba, somebody just stole your
pickup truck from the parking lot!”
Bubba replied, “Did y’all see who
it was?”
The young man answered, “I couldn’t
tell, but I got the license number.”
North Carolina
A man in North Carolina had a flat
tyre, pulled off on the side of the road,
and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind
it. Then he got back in the car to wait.
A passerby studied the scene as he
drove by, and was so curious he turned
around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.
The man replied, “I got a flat
tahr.”
The passerby asked, “But what’s
with the flowers?”
The man responded, “When you break
down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares
in the back; I never did understand it
neither.”
Tennessee
A Tennessee State trooper pulled
over a pickup on I-65.
The trooper asked, “Got any ID?”
The driver replied, “Bout whut?”
Texas
The Sheriff pulled up next to the
guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch.
The Sheriff asked, “Why are you
dumping garbage in the ditch? Don’t you see that sign right over your
head?”
“Yep,” he replied. “That’s why I’m
dumpin’ it here, ‘cause it says: ‘Fine For Dumping Garbage.’”
Y’all kin say whut y’all want
‘about the South , but y’all never heard o’nobody retirin’ an’ movin’North .
+++
Jack
goes to his friend Mike and says, "I'm sleeping with the minister's wife.
Can you hold him in church for an hour after the services for me?"
Mike
doesn't like it, but being a friend he agrees.
After
the services, Mike starts talking to the minister, asking him all sorts of
stupid questions, just to keep him occupied.
Finally
the minister gets annoyed and asks Mike what he's really up to.
Mike,
feeling guilty, finally confesses to the minister. "My friend is sleeping
with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied."
The
minister smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Mike's shoulder and says, "You
better hurry home. My wife died a year ago."
+++
Now, you know I now am the proud owner of a mobility
scooter! See this!!
+++
See How Donald Trump Travels !
Input has been a bit thin this month, so watch this space in
future. Have a good one.
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