Happy New Year!!!

Another year older and deeper in debt! At least, that is how Tennessee Ernie Ford had it, and Merle Travis before him. Not a lot has changed. Although I have to say that December has been kind - until Christmas Eve, when the son of Hurricane Ivan arrived for the holidays. The last few days have been quite extraordinary, and it has not finished yet, as I write on the 3 January. Bidborough Court stands on the top of Bidborough Ridge, and the views go out to Ashdown Forest and beyond. If it were clear enough I think the South Downs would be the only thing preventing us from seeing the sea. Wonderful views, but not what you want when there are 70mph winds from the south, carrying about two inches of rain an hour. Fortunately we are not at risk from flooding from either the Medway or the sea, but it is an old house and suffers badly in these conditions. I think we shall have about £10,000 worth of work to claim on the insurance. We have a complex roof on the house, with two towers and two main ridges running parallel with a valley between them. You can tell from the picture.
 











I am not sure if this will upload, so it will be interesting to see what happens when I hit the 'publish' button.

Apart from that December followed its usual path of entertaining the grandchildren, over-eating, but strangely not over-imbibing. Not sure why this should be.  Certainly I have been to too many school carol services. They have all been very entertaining, and the performances have been much better than anything we used to achieve when we were at school. And the Dulwich College School play was really excellent. They took on 'Amadeus' which I last say in New York with David Suchet playing the lead. The DC version was, I have to say, just as good. They really do have a talented bunch there.

Then to the Roxy at Brixton. Not what it used to be - neither Brixton nor the Roxy. It used to be a flea pit of a cinema, but now it is a bar with a couple of small auditoria. And they were showing a feed direct from the London stage of the Nutcracker. Now I would never have believed that I would go to Brixton to watch ballet, but it was brilliant! The cinema had 52 reclining arm chairs, and while it had the usual popcorn for the kids, it was possible to take  a glass of decent wine in from the wine bar downstairs. How the world has changed. Even Brixton, which used to be a West Indian enclave, has now changed and been gentrified. Difficult to but ackee and salt-fish there now, but classy French cheese is freely available in the market and the shopping arcade at gentrified prices.

Not all cheerful, though - two funerals of people that we have known for many years, although in both cases the actual memorial services were quite cheerful celebrations of lives that had been lived to the full. We came away from both of them feeling that we were glad to have attended, which is not always the sentiments that you get after a funeral.

We were delighted to see David Wheaton on his annual visit in December. We met at Heathrow, and had an excellent dinner and managed to drive there and back round the M25 with the minimum of hold-ups. He was full of info about the goings-on in Cayman, which I would still like tor return to, but Long-haul has its problems now. We hope more people will get in touch when they are visiting.

Bought a new car,, too. A VW Tiguan, which is a small 4 x 4, or a large crossover, as you will. Managed to scrape it against a brick wall within a fortnight, which was very annoying. Modern cars are packed with unnecessary electronic gizzmos, including electric handbrakes, cameras back and front to 'help' with parking, a sat nav which cannot tell the driver when a speed camera is being approached,  and any number of other electronic aids. All stuff that is there to go wrong and be expensively repaired. Watch this space!

Finally, we had an interesting Christmas Day. As Leon and Co were in the Far East, and Neil's wife was on duty, as a nurse, on Christmas Eve, we had Christmas Day at home. So we went out for an Indian Christmas Lunch, and very nice it was too.  Caught up with the family later in the week, though, and did all the things that we were expected to do but a couple of days later than usual, including turkey, crackers and decent wine.

Looking forward now to the New year. Trip to Jersey coming up in January, and Cyprus in February. Must get some sun somehow.

We wish a Happy New Year to all our readers. To help, try the following:

If you've ever worked for  a boss who reacts before getting the  facts and thinking things  through, you will love  this!

Arcelor-Mittal Steel,  feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a  new CEO. The new boss was  determined to rid the company of all  slackers.

On a tour of the  facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against  a wall. The room was full of  workers and he wanted to let them know  that he meant business. He  asked the guy, "How much money do you make  a week?"

A  little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make  $400 a week. Why?"

The CEO said, "Wait right  here." He walked back to his office,  came back in two minutes, and  handed the guy $1,600 in cash and  said, "Here's four weeks' pay.  Now GET OUT and don't come  back."

Feeling pretty good about  himself the CEO looked around the room  and asked, "Does anyone want  to tell me what that goof-ball did here?"

From across the room a  voice said, "Pizza delivery guy from  Domino's."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Paddy texts his wife... 

“Mary, I’m just having one more pint with the lads.   

If I’m not back in 20 minutes, read this message again.”

December - the 10th month

It's been an eventful month in some ways. Firstly by spending an eye-watering amount buying a new car -a VW Tiguan, which is a cross-over. It has all the electronic gadgetry you could wish for, and then some, most of which I shall not use, and some of which I would have preferred not to have. But there are some surprising omissions - no possibility of measuring the outside temperature, and no provision in the on-board sat nav for warning of approaching speed cameras. No ability to have the digital speed indicator in mph, rather than kmph although the speedo dial is calibrated in mph. But very comfortable, and I can get in and out without ducking my head, which I have never been able to do in any previous car.

We started the month with a visit to the local brewery, Larkins, where I found  porter being brewed. This was a Rotary outing, and we reduced the weeks production by a creditable amount. Then there were issues with the garage door, which took some time and money to get approximately sorted. All because the remote opener was tumble dried by mistake. Later in the month was the Rotary Christmas dinner, with black tie and all. The best bit was Sonia winning a competition where the prize was £50 cash. Riches beyond the dreams of human avarice!!

The Investment Club, which I joined some years ago, held its annual curry night last month too. The Tonbridge Club is one of the oldest investment clubs in the country. It made continual losses until it was dragged into the 21st century, and started computerising its activities. We invest with what are called 'stop-losses' and 'keep-gains' but the trick is to refine the criteria by which they operate - that is to say, the points at which they are triggered. They idea is that if an investment loses more than a stated percentage, it will automatically be sold, but if it increases in value it will drag its 'stop-loss' up with it. If the stop-loss is then triggered, the idea is that you capture the profit. It only works if the limits are set correctly, and it ignores the concept of long-term investment in sound companies - the Buffet policy.

Then to Probus where I had proposed a chap for membership. Always a good thing to do. Probus is really Rotary without the charity bit. You get good speakers and nice people to lunch with, and several outings a year to interesting places.

A splendid couple of jazz evenings last month too. We are very lucky to have a number of talented jazz groups locally. One is the Halstead Jazz Band - go to http://halsteadjazzclubbigband.com/ - started by a chap that I coached at Orpington Swimming Club some years ago, and who is now a very talented saxophone player. The other is a group which plays at one of the local pubs, the Don Steele Jazz Band - go to http://www.sevenoaksforum.com/media/don-steele-jazz-band.103/ and turn the volume up.

All in all too much browsing and sluicing, as Wooster would have it. Finally:

Firstly a couple more links -

http://www.flixxy.com/leosvel-and-diosmani-the-mast-the-worlds-greatest-cabaret.htm?utm_source=nl

http://www.thisishaywardsheath.com/home.htm

We could do with a local web site like the last for Tonbridge. 

and at last:

A woman and her 10 year old son were riding in a taxi in New York. It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under the awnings.

"Mom " said the boy, "what are all these women doing?"

"They're waiting for their husbands to get off work" she replies.

The taxi driver turns around and says "Geez, lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers, kid! They have sex with men for money."

The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true, mom?"

His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers in the affirmative.

After a few minutes, the kid asks, "Mom, what happens to the babies those women have?"

"Most of them become taxi drivers." she said.

Legal but not logical

A  young Law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty old Professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind.

Student:"Sir, do you really understand everything about this subject?"

Professor: Actually,I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn't be a professor, would I?"

Student: "OK. So I'd like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my marks as it is. If you can't give me the correct answer, however, you'll have to give me an "A".

Professor: "Hmmmm, alright.. So what's the question?"

Student: "What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal? "

The Professor racks his famous brain, but just can't crack the

answer. Finally he gives up and changes the student's failing mark into an "A" as agreed, and the student goes away, very pleased.

The Professor continues to rack his brain over the question all afternoon, but still can't get the answer.

So finally he calls in a group of his brightest students and tells them he has a really, really tough question to answer:

"What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal,

and neither logical nor legal?"

To the Professor's surprise (and embarrassment), all the students immediately raise their hands.

"All right" says the professor and asks his favourite student to answer

"It's quite easy, sir" says the student "You see, you are 75 years old and married to a 30 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical.

Your wife has a 22 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal.

And your wife's lover failed his exam, but you've just given him an "A", which is neither legal, nor logical."

Have a good Christmas!