December - the 10th month

It's been an eventful month in some ways. Firstly by spending an eye-watering amount buying a new car -a VW Tiguan, which is a cross-over. It has all the electronic gadgetry you could wish for, and then some, most of which I shall not use, and some of which I would have preferred not to have. But there are some surprising omissions - no possibility of measuring the outside temperature, and no provision in the on-board sat nav for warning of approaching speed cameras. No ability to have the digital speed indicator in mph, rather than kmph although the speedo dial is calibrated in mph. But very comfortable, and I can get in and out without ducking my head, which I have never been able to do in any previous car.

We started the month with a visit to the local brewery, Larkins, where I found  porter being brewed. This was a Rotary outing, and we reduced the weeks production by a creditable amount. Then there were issues with the garage door, which took some time and money to get approximately sorted. All because the remote opener was tumble dried by mistake. Later in the month was the Rotary Christmas dinner, with black tie and all. The best bit was Sonia winning a competition where the prize was £50 cash. Riches beyond the dreams of human avarice!!

The Investment Club, which I joined some years ago, held its annual curry night last month too. The Tonbridge Club is one of the oldest investment clubs in the country. It made continual losses until it was dragged into the 21st century, and started computerising its activities. We invest with what are called 'stop-losses' and 'keep-gains' but the trick is to refine the criteria by which they operate - that is to say, the points at which they are triggered. They idea is that if an investment loses more than a stated percentage, it will automatically be sold, but if it increases in value it will drag its 'stop-loss' up with it. If the stop-loss is then triggered, the idea is that you capture the profit. It only works if the limits are set correctly, and it ignores the concept of long-term investment in sound companies - the Buffet policy.

Then to Probus where I had proposed a chap for membership. Always a good thing to do. Probus is really Rotary without the charity bit. You get good speakers and nice people to lunch with, and several outings a year to interesting places.

A splendid couple of jazz evenings last month too. We are very lucky to have a number of talented jazz groups locally. One is the Halstead Jazz Band - go to http://halsteadjazzclubbigband.com/ - started by a chap that I coached at Orpington Swimming Club some years ago, and who is now a very talented saxophone player. The other is a group which plays at one of the local pubs, the Don Steele Jazz Band - go to http://www.sevenoaksforum.com/media/don-steele-jazz-band.103/ and turn the volume up.

All in all too much browsing and sluicing, as Wooster would have it. Finally:

Firstly a couple more links -

http://www.flixxy.com/leosvel-and-diosmani-the-mast-the-worlds-greatest-cabaret.htm?utm_source=nl

http://www.thisishaywardsheath.com/home.htm

We could do with a local web site like the last for Tonbridge. 

and at last:

A woman and her 10 year old son were riding in a taxi in New York. It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under the awnings.

"Mom " said the boy, "what are all these women doing?"

"They're waiting for their husbands to get off work" she replies.

The taxi driver turns around and says "Geez, lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers, kid! They have sex with men for money."

The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true, mom?"

His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers in the affirmative.

After a few minutes, the kid asks, "Mom, what happens to the babies those women have?"

"Most of them become taxi drivers." she said.

Legal but not logical

A  young Law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty old Professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind.

Student:"Sir, do you really understand everything about this subject?"

Professor: Actually,I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn't be a professor, would I?"

Student: "OK. So I'd like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my marks as it is. If you can't give me the correct answer, however, you'll have to give me an "A".

Professor: "Hmmmm, alright.. So what's the question?"

Student: "What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal? "

The Professor racks his famous brain, but just can't crack the

answer. Finally he gives up and changes the student's failing mark into an "A" as agreed, and the student goes away, very pleased.

The Professor continues to rack his brain over the question all afternoon, but still can't get the answer.

So finally he calls in a group of his brightest students and tells them he has a really, really tough question to answer:

"What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal,

and neither logical nor legal?"

To the Professor's surprise (and embarrassment), all the students immediately raise their hands.

"All right" says the professor and asks his favourite student to answer

"It's quite easy, sir" says the student "You see, you are 75 years old and married to a 30 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical.

Your wife has a 22 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal.

And your wife's lover failed his exam, but you've just given him an "A", which is neither legal, nor logical."

Have a good Christmas!