HAVE A HAPPY SEXTILIS

As soon as I sit down to write this monthly (sort of) blog I think about what I am going to write about, and the first thing I think of is my health. Now, about 25 years ago , at the height of the internet jokes trade, if I can put it like that, we used to think that this subject as a favourite of the very old, and  was, if not hilarious, at least something that would raise a smile from time to time. Now I am not so sure. What I do know is that I am quite interested in the health of my friends, and I make the irrational assumption at they will be just as interested in my ailments. Or what my doctor kindly refers to as my multiple co-morbidities.

Anyhow, for my sins, I was persuaded to join the Practice’s Patients Participation Group. And the first think that I discover is that they want a secretary (unpaid). So, of course, I have to volunteer. I have been to one meeting. Out of common decency, I shall have to go to several more. But I discovered that there is some difficulty in finding out just what the group is supposed to be participating in. The practice seems quite happy for members of the Group to run a used book stall in the waiting room. And they were ready to approve the erection of a notice board publicising the existence of the Group and  recruiting members.  But they are not very happy – at least the partner who attends the meetings is not very happy – that we should run a questionnaire that asks many questions about the patients’ views of the practice. The Government is currently promoting the idea that patients should be able to consult their doctors over the weekend, and probably in the evenings as well. But we are being discouraged from asking patients’ views about this, Not sure why, except that we might get one or two answers that seek 24 hour, 7 days-a-week access. Chatting to my friends, I rather gather that they are quite happy to have 10 hours a day, 5 days a week. But most of my friends are retired. And if they are not, they are hale and hearty, and don’t visit the surgery  at all, and are thankful that this is so.  We shall see as things progress, but there are bound to be some more surprises, and not all of them pleasant!

When I was into swimming, either as a teacher, coach or competitor, I used to think that synchro swimming was not a manly thing, nor was it for serious swimmers. But tonight I happened to watch the European Swimming Championships on BBC2, and they showed the Russian team winning the synchro events. Astonishing! There is no other word for it. But if you can bring up BBC2 on the Catch-up and look at BBC2 at about 20.40 on the 3 August you will find coverage of the Cycling and the Swimming. And it is worth 5 minutes of your time.

I have been reading the Times since I left school, mainly because it has decent law reports, and now no other paper does. The Times is getting to the 20^th Century. I saw the other day, the following entry in the Times Diary:

“SEXUAL PRUNING

A Sheffield man has complained  after his hedge was damaged by people having sex with it. Keith Tyssen told the local news that he had trimmed the hedge to make it look like a naked woman, but drunk people keep trying to mount it in the middle of the night. Let’s not beat about the bush, sex with topiary is weird. Some things should remain privet.”

All of a sudden I get the following tip from a splendid friend in Cayman. Go to

https://video.twimg.com/amplify_video/1005595391612497920/vid/1280x720/nssXMp15pRtNtX15.mp4?tag=2

Sorry about that interlude – I thought that was priceless!

Actually there has been another message from a different friend in Cayman. Go to

https://www.youtube.com/embed/Pwghabw4N80?rel=0  We could do with some of this here!

Al the newspapers are trying to beef up the arguments about niqabs, letter boxes and bank robbers. Of course, they are merely trying to sell more copies of the papers, but I am not so sure that, with social media, this is still a valid argument. Until they all start charging to read the on-line copy. I have got round this for the moment, so far as the Times is concerned, by signing up to the scheme which means that I pay for my newspapers quarterly, I get them with about 40% off, and I still get free access to their web site, including the archives.

Since I started writing this on the 1/8, I have been for a pre-assessment for my hip op. I was put on the surgeon’s ‘urgent’ list in April, and still do not have a date for the final performance.  ‘Soon come’ as they Cayman saying goes. It implies a rather less prompt response than ‘Mañana’ in Spain. It took some time to find the tilde in Microsoft Word, and I have no idea if it will transfer to the blog web site.

Brilliant performances in the Europeans. I watched all of the swimming, and most of the athletics. And now we are making mincemeat of India in the Test. No-one will want to play with us soon! I just hope that it is above board.

A few of my favourite type of joke:

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns . It was a play on words.

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

Broken pencils are pointless.

And finally, something that might be called offensive:

A clearly inebriated woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi in New York City and laid on the back seat.

The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman. He made no attempt to start the cab.

The woman glared back at him and said, "What's wrong with you, honey?  Haven't you ever seen a naked woman before?"

The old Jewish driver answered, "Let me tell you sumsing, lady. I vasn't staring at you like you tink; dat vould not be proper."

The woman giggled and responded, "Well, if you're not staring at my boobs or my butt, sweetie, what are you doing then?"

He paused a moment, then told her, "Vell..... M'am, I am looking and I am looking, and I am tinking to myself, vair in da hell is dis lady keeping de money to pay for dis ride?"

  Now, that's a businessman!

Enjoy the rest of the month. With luck we shall have a bit of rain. Oh, and by the way 'Sextilis' is what the Romans called August, I only just found that out.