A QUICK ONE FOR FEBRUARY.

Not a lot of news this month – partly because I was going to get intravenous injections of antibiotics for the first 14 days of January – and this was closely followed by Sonia getting a double dose of the flu that is currently going round – in spite of having all the recommended jabs. Still, I learnt a lot about cooking, because there was all this raw food in the fridge, and someone had to do it! Including roasting a chicken and one or two other things that I had never ventured to cook. All great fun and strangely it all seemed to work. And then various friends said that it was difficult to get things wrong if you followed the instructions n the packet, which is very true.7

Brexit has [roduced some excellent jokes and skits, but try the following to the tune from Gilbert and Sullivan’s Pirates of Penzance:

Here’s a first-rate opportunity

To reject Europe’s community

And indulge in the felicity

Of a break from synchronicity.

We shall quickly all be Brexified,

Monetary gains unspecified –

Though it looks like asininity

We’ll defend it to infinity.

With acknowledgements to Patrick Kidd, reporter extraordinaire for the Times

The Times has also been running, probably to Sonia’s annoyance, although I do njot know if she reads things in the depths of the paper, a series of reported teachers’ comments on school reports. I particularly liked “Works hard at the subjects that he likes – needs to increase the number of subjects he likes”.

Good news today, though – old and valued friends from Cayman are to visit in May, and we look forward to seeing Chris and, hopefully, his lovely wife.

And plans are in hand to book holidays in Devon this year, and canada next year.All very ambitious.

And that’s about all for this month – apart from the odds anends that follow.. Very short but it was not very long since the last post. Have a Good One.

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2050.

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions.

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as the UK's third language.

Children from two-parent, married, heterosexual families bullied in schools for being 'different'. Tolerance urged.

Manchester schoolgirl expelled for not wearing a burqa.

Japan announces that they will no longer consume whale meat as whales are now extinct, and the scientific research fleet are unemployed.

UK Government tells the Japanese that grey squirrels taste like whale meat.

Britain now has ten universities of Political Correctness.

Professor Goldman of LSPC says there is still a long way to go in the fight to stop people saying what they think.

Britain's deficit £10 trillion and rising. Government declares return to surplus in 100 years which is 300 years ahead of time.

Prime Minister Mohammed Yousuf claims increased growth through more immigration is the secret to success.

Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.

Iran still isolated. Physicists estimate at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Islamic Countries.  No one responds.

Jose Manuel Rodrigez Bush says he will run for second term as US President in 2052.

Post Office raises price of stamps to £18 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

After a ten-year, £75.8 billion study commissioned by the Labour Party, scientists prove diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

Average weight of a British male drops to 18 stone.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil and human rights.

Victims to be held partly responsible for crime.

Average height of professional basketball players is now nine feet seven inches.

New law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2035 as lethal weapons.

Inland Revenue sets lowest tax rate in decades at 75 per cent.

Bradford win FA Cup Final, beating Hindu Hornets 4-1.

+++

No matter what side of the AISLE you're on, you should enjoy this!

Judy Wallman Trump, a professional genealogical researcher in southern California, was doing some personal work on her own family tree.  She discovered that President Donald Trump's great-great-uncle, Remus Trump, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Montana in 1889.  Both Judy and President Trump share this common ancestor.

The only known photograph of Remus shows him standing on the gallows  in Montana territory.  On the back of the picture Judy obtained during her research is this inscription: “Remus Trump, horse thief, sent to Montana Territorial Prison 1885, escaped 1887, robbed the Montana Flyer six times. Caught by Pinkerton detectives, convicted and hanged in 1889.”

So Judy recently e-mailed the President for information about their great-great-uncle, Remus.

Believe it or not, President Trump's staff sent back the following biographical sketch for her genealogy research:

“Remus Trump was a famous cowboy in the Montana Territory. His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with the Montana railroad.  Beginning in 1883, he devoted several years of his life to government service, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the railroad. In 1887, he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the renowned Pinkerton Detective Agency. In 1889, Remus passed away during an important civic function held in his honour when the platform upon which he was standing collapsed.”

Now THAT is how it's done, Folks!  That's "TRUE POLITICAL SPIN"! But actually it is fake news – it has been around since I was In Cayman and has been applied to a number of different – and indifferent – politicians. Anyway it’s a bit of fun to re-read it.

+++

Things that go through your mind when you can't fall asleep.

* If you attempt to rob a bank you won't have any trouble with rent/food bills for the next 10 years, whether or not you are successful.

* Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?

* What if my dog only brings back my ball because he thinks I like throwing it?

* If poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?

* Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C?

* Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn't it be called double V?

* Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and It just takes 75-100 years to fully work.

* Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty

- The word "swims" upside-down is still "swims".

- Intentionally losing a game of rock, paper, scissors is just as hard as trying to win.

- 100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses.

- Your future self is watching you right now through memories.

- The doctors that told Stephen Hawking he had two years to live in 1953 are probably dead.

- If you replace "W" with "T" in "What, Where and When", you get the answer to each of them.

- Many animals probably need glasses, but nobody knows it.

- If you rip a hole in a net, there are actually fewer holes in it than there were before.

- If 2/2/22 falls on a Tuesday, we'll just call it "2's Day".(Actually it will  fall on a Tuesday!)