Moving House!

From the 9 to the 27 April we were in bonny Scotland, putting 2400 miles on the mileometer. We reached as far at the Outer Hebrides after spending a week in Glenelg, whose only claim to fame is that it is a palindrome. No. 2 son rented a house that would sleep 14 and invited his extended family to spend ma week with him, so we drove to the Lake District and spent a night in Grasmere before going on to Inverness, visiting Roy Boulton, with whom I went to school, picking up Leon's mother-in-law and son before going on to Glenelg, which is just opposite the south end of the Isle of Skye. There is minimal mobile phone coverage there - you have to stand on the bathroom window sill or go to the bottom of the garden to get pone bar of a signal, and that has a tendency to vanish as you make your connection. There was also no broadband and no land line for a dial-up, so the aforesaid son, being 16, although he said he enjoyed being with the rest of the family, vowed never again to go to such a place again. His father, who had taken the large family dog, seemed to go out on long walks, and only later did we deduce that he had gone to the pub, where there was wifi....

After Glenelg, we drove on up to Ullapool, caught the ferry to Lewis and then drove south through the islands of Harris, North Uist, Benbecula, South Uist, and Barra, crossing either by causeway or by ferry. We were on Lewis on a Sunday. In Lewis the Sabbath is strictly observed. It was like being in Beckenham in the mid-1950s. Nothing was open at all. But we stayed at a brilliant bijou hotel. 4 bedrooms run by second-lifers who were serious foodies.

The South of Lewis is Harris, where they make the tweed, and not much else.

Then to North Uist, which consists of 28,000 acres, all of which are owned by the 6th Earl of Granville. He runs a fish smoke-house, and his younger brother runs another splendid hotel, so that was all right. 

Benbecula used to have a population of 4,500, 3000 of which were British armed forces running the airfield and various other bits of kit. But they pulled out overnight and without warning, so now there are very few people there, and getting fewer by the day.

Finally to Barra, very small, not many people, but great for watching birds - the feathered variety. 2 days there were enough, and then by ferry to Oban, on to Melrose to visit the in laws, and then to Jesmond to a very splendid hotel before driving to Derby to se No. 1 son and then to Tunbridge Wells.

While we were in Glenelg our solicitor exchanged contracts for the sale of 3 Bidborough Court, and the purchase of 49 Framley Road, Tonbridge. So we have been touching the ground in spots ever since getting home. Much of the furniture that we bought for Bidborough Court is too massive for a 1968 house, so has gone to auction, and we are using orange boxes until the 16 May when we are due to move in. Watch this space!

Not being in e-mail contact for much of the month, I do not have as much as I would have liked to offer, but the following has arrived from some very good friends, to whom I am indebted.

See if you can figure out what these seven words all have in common!

1. Banana
2. Dresser
3. Grammar
4. Potato
5. Revive
6. Uneven
7. Assess

Are you peeking or have you already given up?

Give it another try....

Look at each word carefully.

You'll kick yourself when you discover the answer .....

No, it is not that they all have at least 2 double letters. 

The correct answer is In all of the words listed, if you take the first letter, place it at the end of the word, and then spell the word backwards, it will be the same word.

 

+++

HOW MANY YEARS DO YOU HAVE LEFT?

This is really fascinating!

Watch your age in the upper right corner!

It's fun to watch your age go up and down as you

answer the questions.

This is a calculator that estimates your life expectancy.
It was developed by Northwestern Mutual Life.

It's interesting that there are only 13 questions.
Yet, they can predict how long you're likely to live.

http://media.nmfn.com/tnetwork/lifespan

+++

FATHER OF THE YEAR

A man boarded a plane with six kids.

After they got settled in their seats a woman sitting across the aisle from him

leaned over to him and asked, "Are all of those kids yours ? "

He replied,  " No Ma'am,  I work for a condom company.

These are customer complaints. "

DAMN, I WISH I COULD THINK THAT FAST

+++

This says it all!

Pythagoras' Theorem: ............................................24 words.

Lord's prayer:....................................................... 66 words.

Archimedes' Principle: ...........................................67 words.

Ten Commandments: ..........................................179 words.

Gettysburg address: ............................................286 words.

US Declaration of Independence: .................... 1,300 words.

US Constitution with all 27 Amendments: .........7,818 words.

EU regulations on the sale of CABBAGES:.....26,911 words 

+++

That's all, folks!

Clive

More or Less on Time

I think I may be catching up with things - it must be some sort of record to get a blog out by the 2nd of the month.

We went to see the Mary Rose exhibition at Portsmouth the other day - amazing what they have managed to do with the remains. What I did not realise was that she went down as part of the battle of the Solent in 1545, when the French attempted invasion or Portsmouth harbour was repulsed. However, all of that puts paid to the idea that the earliest ancestor of the Grenyers, Phillipe Grynier, was a prisoner of war taken at the time and imprisoned on the Isle of Wight until being requisitioned by a landowner round the back of Worthing to work on his land. Phillipe was born, it is said, in 1548.

I am reading 'A London Year', which is a collection of diary entries from various people's diaries over the centuries, edited by Travis Elborough and Nick Rennison. You can read it day by day and it only takes a couple of minutes, but it is fascinating to read about what London was like 500 years ago to the day.

Time to clear a bit of space, so I am going to learn how to operate an eBay account. Should be interesting. It's a sort of supplement to Freecycle, which is mainly for clearing stuff which the charity shops do not want, like old ladders, and lengths of timber.

Much of this month will, DV, be mainly taken up by a trip to the Outer Hebrides. More of that later.

An e-mail arrives - ping! It says:

ALEX SALMOND CLASSIC

Alex Salmond was visiting a Scottish primary school and the class was in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.

The teacher asked Mr. Salmond if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'Tragedy'.

So the illustrious SNP leader asked the class for an example of a 'Tragedy'.

A little boy stood up and offered, "If ma best freen, wha’ lives on a ferm, is playin' in the field and a tractor rins ower him and kills him, that wid be a tragedy."

"Incorrect", said Alex, in his best trying-not-to-sound-too-patronising-Scottish-accent, "That would be an accident."

A little girl raised her hand, "If a school bus kerryin' fifty children drove ow’r a cliff, killing a'body inside, that wid be a tragedy"

'I'm afraid not', explained Alex, "that's what we would refer to as a great loss’’.

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Alex searched the room.

"Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally, at the back of the room, a wee lad raised his hand and, in a quiet voice, said: "If a plane kerryin' you and your deputy ' wiz struck by a 'freendly fire' missile & blawn tae smithereens, that wid be a tragedy."

"Fantastic!" exclaimed Alex, "and can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"

"Weel", says the lad, "it has tae be a tragedy, because it certainly widnae be a great loss, and it probably widnae be an accident either!"

The debate is getting even more personal. Watch this space for more fun!

Also in the post we have seen the following:

AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.

Date: 2013-11-27, 1:43 am . E.S.T.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I'd like to apologise for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason - my girlfriend was happy that I just returned safely from my 2nd tour as a Combat Marine in Afghanistan. She had just bought me that Kimber Custom Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with crap in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. (That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again).

After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, - on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 153 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]

I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ..... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.

Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.

The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).

In a way, perhaps I should apologise for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life.. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours, Semper fi,

Alex

!!!!!

Is This The Best Commercial Ever Made?

http://blog.petflow.com/hilarious-is-this-the-best-commercial-ever-made-wait-until-you-see-the-end/?utm_source=ilmd&utm_medium=Facebook&utm_campaign=ilmdcommercial

?????

GERMAN INGENUITY

Want to see why the Germans have a positive trade balance, in spite of paying workers some of the highest wages in the world?   Watch this:

http://www.youtube.com/embed/nd5WGLWNllA?rel=0

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for women.

By combining features of the Renault 'Clio' and the Ford 'Taurus,' they have designed the 'Clitaurus'. It comes in pink, and the average male car thief won't be able to find it - let alone turn it on - even if someone tells him where it is and how to do it....

Rumour has it though, that it leaks transmission fluid once a month, and can be a real bitch to start in the morning!

Some have reported that on cold winter mornings, when you really need it, you can't get it to turn over.

New models are initially fun to own, but very costly to maintain, and horribly expensive to get rid of. Used models may initially appear to have kerb appeal and a low price, but eventually have an increased appetite for fuel, and the kerb weight typically increases with age.

Manufacturers are baffled as to how the size of the trunk increases, but say that the paint may just make it LOOK bigger.

This model is not expected to reach collector status. Most owners find it is best to lease one, and replace when it becomes troublesome.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

This is worth your time. To learn English

Fantastic!

http://io9.com/this-animated-history-of-the-english-language-is-wonder-1464423756

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you ever wondered why drones are so successful in hitting the right target, this will explain all.         
Hard to disappear in a crowd..   The Feds can see you everywhere..    

Pick on a small part of the crowd click a couple of times -- wait -- click a few more times and see
how clear each individual face will become each time.
  

   
This picture was taken with a 70,000 x 30,000 pixel camera 
(2100 Mega Pixels.)  These cameras are not sold to the public and are being installed in strategic locations. 

The camera can identify a face among a multitude of people. 
Place your computer’s cursor in the mass of people and double-click a couple times.  Scary sharp!! 
George Orwell must be smiling somewhere out there.
  

   http://www.gigapixel.com/mobile/?id=79995

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Service

 

I became confused when I heard the word 'service' used with these agencies:

Banking 'Service'

Postal 'Service'

Telephone 'Service'

Pay TV 'Service'

State & Public 'Service'

Customer   'Service'

Bureaucratic 'Service'

My idea of 'Service' seemed to be sadly lacking from all of these agencies.

Then I went to visit my uncle - he's a farmer.

He had just bought a bull to 'Service' his  cows.

Suddenly WOW! It all became clear.... Now I understand what all those agencies are doing to us!

Hahahahaha

 Have a good April