In part May has been a time
for drawing our horns in a bit. Having written that, I diverted from my path to
find out the derivation – or at least to check what Parky, my old English
master at Eltham said it was. He, of course was right – it refers to the
actions of a snail when it wants to reduce the pace of life a bit. I suppose
all things are relative. However, I have given up the job of secretary of the
local dramatic society, which I have looked after for the best part of 10 years,
and we have also not renewed our membership of the Vintry and Dowgate Wards
Club, which provided us with many hours of instruction, entertainment and good
company. However, getting to London is not as straightforward as it once was,
so with much regret we have suspended membership at least until mobility
substantially improves.
A for mobility, a couple of
weeks ago I had my hip aspirated – that is to say I was given a general
anaesthetic and pru to sleep while they pushed a huge needle into my hip joint
and drew out some fluid, and then they took a couple of bits of tissue to do a
biopsy. All of this is to check that there is no infection in the bone before
they consider a second replacement hip. There is an interesting scenario if
they do find infection, so keep your fingers crossed for me.
May also included a trip to
Chichester. Fortunately I am not in any way precluded from driving – indeed the
driving seat of a car is one of the positions that is the most comfortable. So
we drove to Chichester, arriving in time for breakfast in the café in the
cloisters of the cathedral. I can recommend these places to eat. There is
something similar at Southwark Cathedral in the crypt – and small restaurant
which serves a limited menu but very well cooked and presented. Then a quick
tour round Chichester, ending up at the Theatre Restaurant which is a much
pricier – well not too bad, actually, but very well cooked and presented food,
for a long lunch before going to see 40 Years On. This was Alan Bennett’s first
stage play and is set in a public school just after the second world war. It
doubles as a revue as well as a play, and is well worth seeing.
Lots of wining n dining
too, this month – the Rotary President’s dinner which is a black tie do, and to
which we had a Dutch Club with which we are twinned and a trip to Beaconsfield
to see old friends Judith and John Evans. His hip has been a lot more
successful than mine, and I was delighted to see how well he has got on.
And finally an overnight
stay at Weymouth just for a night so we could deliver our old lawnmower to Leon
for use in his family’s house they have bought in Poundbury. Neil and his
children came too, and we managed to get them all together for an Italian meal
before we came home the following day. I reckon it would have been cheaper just
to have bought him a new mower and had it delivered.
Next month – on the 13th
actually, I get the result of the aspiration, and we shall know a bit more
about the future.
Things have been a bit
quiet on the internet recently, but here are one or two little gems:
The first is a 2½ minute
clip of experiments done with monkeys to determine their reactions
to unequal compensation for doing the exact same type of "work."
Click on the following link:
+++
The
Haircut
A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father
as to when they could discuss his use of the car.
His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your
grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little and get your hair
cut. Then we'll talk about the car."
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the
offer and they agreed on it.
After about six weeks his father said, "Son, you've brought your
grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed
you haven't had your hair cut."
The boy said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and
I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist
had long hair, Moses had long hair, and there's even strong evidence that Jesus
had long hair."
Love the Dad's reply!
"Did
you also notice that they all walked everywhere they went?"
+++
It was
Postman Pat's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same
villages and towns.
When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family there, who all hugged and congratulated him and sent him on his way with a cheque for £50.
When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family there, who all hugged and congratulated him and sent him on his way with a cheque for £50.
At the second house they presented him with an
18-carat gold watch.
The folks at the third house handed him a
bottle of 15-year old Scotch whisky.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by
a dumb blonde in her lingerie. She took
him by the arm and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most
passionate love he had ever experienced.
When they went downstairs, the blonde fixed him a full English breakfast: Bacon, Eggs, Sausage,
Potato Scones, Black Pudding, Fried
Dumpling & Tomato with freshly squeezed orange juice. As she was pouring him a cup of steaming coffee, he
noticed a quid coin in the saucer.
'All this was just too wonderful for words,'
he said, 'but what's the quid for?'
'Well,' said the dumb blonde, 'Last night, I
told my husband that today would be your
last day and that we should do something special for you I asked him what I should give you'.
He said, 'F**k him. Give him a quid.'
She smiled shyly and said, 'The breakfast was
my idea.'
+++
The Devil’s
Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce is one of my favourite books. However he does not
have a monopoly of telling the truth in a particular way – see the following:-
"
Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds
from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. "
~Oscar Amringer, "the Mark Twain of American Socialism."
~Oscar Amringer, "the Mark Twain of American Socialism."
"
I offered my opponents a deal: if they stop telling
lies about me, I will stop telling
the truth about them . "
~Adlai Stevenson, campaign speech, 1952..
the truth about them . "
~Adlai Stevenson, campaign speech, 1952..
"
A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country. "
~Texas Guinan. 19th century American businessman
~Texas Guinan. 19th century American businessman
"
I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious
a matter to be left to the politicians. "
~Charles de Gaulle, French general & politician
~Charles de Gaulle, French general & politician
"
Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it
might be better to change the locks. "
~Doug Larson (English middle-distance runner who won gold medals at the 1924 Olympic Games in Paris, 1902-1981)
~Doug Larson (English middle-distance runner who won gold medals at the 1924 Olympic Games in Paris, 1902-1981)
"
We hang petty thieves and appoint the bigger thieves to public office. "
~Aesop, Greek slave & fable author
~Aesop, Greek slave & fable author
"
Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by
those who are dumber. "
~Plato, ancient Greek Philosopher
~Plato, ancient Greek Philosopher
"
Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even
where there is no river. "
~Nikita Khrushchev, Russian Soviet politician
~Nikita Khrushchev, Russian Soviet politician
"
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President of the USA
- I'm beginning to believe it. "
~Quoted in 'Clarence Darrow for the Defense' by Irving Stone.
~Quoted in 'Clarence Darrow for the Defense' by Irving Stone.
"
Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go
out and buy some more tunnel. "
~John Quinton, American actor/writer
~John Quinton, American actor/writer
"
What happens if a politician drowns in a river? That is pollution.
What happens if all of them drown? That is a solution ....!!!
Author unknown
What happens if all of them drown? That is a solution ....!!!
Author unknown
+++
+++
Origami
experts, prepare to see something special.
To see what
Calvin Nicholls can do with paper, scissors and glue!
+++
This is for
my friends in the Antipodes:
The
frequency of sexual activity of senior males depends on where they were born.
Statistics just released from Statistics Australia and The United Nations
B.O.H. Team, reveal that:
Australian men between 55 and 85 years of age, will on average, have sex two to three times per week, (and a small number a lot more), whereas Japanese men, in exactly the same age group, will have sex only once or twice per year if they are lucky.
This has come as very upsetting news to both me and most of my mates at the Golf Club, as none of us had any idea we were Japanese.
Australian men between 55 and 85 years of age, will on average, have sex two to three times per week, (and a small number a lot more), whereas Japanese men, in exactly the same age group, will have sex only once or twice per year if they are lucky.
This has come as very upsetting news to both me and most of my mates at the Golf Club, as none of us had any idea we were Japanese.
+++
And Finally….
This is the
Future;
If you have
enjoyed all of this, tell someone else.
Happy
landings.
Clive
